Insecurities of a man on a mission

Extrovert!

2011-01-20T13:25:00.000-08:00

Working in a pre-recession public sector was an odd experience. It attracted two main types of character into its employ. Those who will not work in the private sector because of their lefty, lofty and sometimes loony ideals, and those who can’t, either through severe ineptitude or idleness.

I was a much a fan of the former, but undoubtedly tinged with the latter. Like many, I turned up a frustrated & slightly confused graduate. Very much a lover of the moment, At university, I could on occasion be brilliant! Nimble of thought, I enjoyed debating with lecturers. A thrilling cocktail of adrenalin, wit and genuine interest, perfectly balanced climbing against the austere facade of the academic establishment. However, I was highly inconsistent. The finer points of Athenian Law seemed to pale into insignificance compared to the finer points of the opposite sex who were making my tummy go all funny in a new post-pubescent way. Freedom, drinking, loving and winning were what it was all about. I realise Æthelred the Unready is a key figure in medieval history, but Andy was Unready and staring me back in the shaving mirror.

Volatile, fragile unable to bottle things up, manifested a desire to exorcise pain through beer, music and bad decisions.

Back to the pre Tory, free-wheeling days of public funded employ. We had to find a creative way to dissipate our annual budget in order to qualify for the same remuneration the following year. Perhaps it was simple curiosity or the thought of fun, but far more likely pure narcissism on the part of one particular manager that led us to be personality profiled as part of a team building day. The science may be sound enough, I’m not sure. However, I struggled to see how learning about our own personality would help us in any way work better together. I have known me for many years now and am fully aware of my faults and try to hide them to work colleagues. Friends are rarely spared. I may have mentioned that the horoscope in the local paper may be a more cost effective way of moving our team forward. Nevertheless these were the halcyon before the credit crunch, where bankers were just ‘other people’.

In the spirit of the day, I decided to give the personality test my best. I was told it was impossible to cheat, which strangely reassured me. After half an hour if multiple choice, seemingly pointless questions I was finished, and awaited with excited hypocrisy, the results.

“You cheated!”
“How?” I replied, “You said, you couldn’t cheat the test!”
“Well, your results have come back. You are an off the scale extrovert!”
“I know!” I said. This seemed to irk him considerably. This usually unflappable, kindly middle aged man looked stumped. He seemed affronted and wanted answers.

He started to ask me questions about my youth and my education to see how somebody could end up like this? Being extrovert isn’t about being loud and aggressive (although I certainly can be), it’s a state of mind. You live on the surface, but are not superficial. I am attached to the pail that draws deep on a well of emotion (ohhh poncy). It’s a contradiction really, Outwardly strong: inwardly flighty and indecisive. Unusually terribly disorganised, but great when my backs against the wall. Overall, I wouldn’t change me. I just gradually need to improve.

My examiner started to try to justify his science by making slightly ill meaning remarks. “You haven’t moved on from my university mentality… You refuse to mature… You still live at home, don’t you see?... You refuse to accept your life as it is…. You will not move on in your life until you do!” I was not impressed!

Utter bollocks of course. He knows nothing about my circumstances, the break-ups, the opportunities I have been lucky enough to have been afforded. This blog wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for going to Canada. The only thing preventing me from lashing at this sweet middle aged creature (who I quite liked incidentally) was the obvious discomfiture writhing all over his face. So I played it a bit passive aggressive: I seem naturally suited to it.

A subtle defence against being patronised was needed.
“It’s because I’m an extrovert. I can’t help it you see!” There may actually be some truth to this.
“You have come back all this way to tell me that I am scientifically incapable of being me?” I said with a raised eyebrow Roger Moore would have applauded.
“Erm no but…”
“May I ask how long have you been doing this?”
“7 years”
“28.”
“28 what?”
“28 years, I have been doing me. Fully functioning with modest success.” I smiled.
He laughed, as I did which eased the slowly rising tension..

Being an extrovert can be great. A natural show-off with a plucky attitude and (I like to think) a sense of humour. However, I decided it wasn’t me with the problem. It was the public sector/charity environment. So I decided to move to where my troubles can be viewed as a virtue. I am now a teacher. It’s a place where my extrovertism can be put to good use. Kids like it when I’m silly, colleagues didn’t.

Dear Middle aged friendly man,
I’m mature enough to realise this ALL BY MYSELF!
I hope you’re happy. I am.

Yours sincerely,

Andy.

New Years Resolutions 2011

2011-01-01T05:18:00.000-08:00

All situations are unique, everybody is different. Nevertheless, apart from turning 30 in July, I have no idea what's going to happen in 2011. I will certainly not be in the same job and I doubt I will be living under the same roof. When, where and with who, are questions that both excite & daunt me depending on what mood I'm in. The worst case scenario is nothing happens. To help avoid this, I have come up with some resolutions that are more of a lifestyle guide. Some could happen, some will and some I won't get close. However, if I at least give it a go, I should have some good after dinner stories to tell.

Be more like David Niven.
Become a qualified lead climber.
Get something published in Private Eye.
Play guitar in public.
Make it onto the Queens speech (long story).
Blog more.
Move out.
Finish a leg of darts in under 14 throws.
Don't put back on the weight I lost last year.
Get a permanent job.
Stop asking, start doing.
Speak more French.
Be bold. You regret the things you do less than the things you don't do.

Drink less, eat less and enjoy more. All that jazz. Happy New Year all!

Snowday!

2010-12-03T01:42:00.000-08:00

It's been a while loyal/random/drunk/lost reader. Apologies for the long absence. It's due to finally having started teaching. However, I am not as school today. Due to the inclement weather, I am sat in my dressing gown typing away at you (nice mental image eh?)

Being back in a new school has been interesting, tiring and a little bit deflating at times, but generally it's good to be back in the saddle. I have enjoyed being fielded the same old questions:-

Are you French? (I get this a lot)
Do you use sun beds?
You got kids?
You married Sir?
You gay then Sir? (S'okay if you iz Sir)
How do you spell GCSE RE?
When are you leaving us Sir?
You've got sommink inya innit? (another reference to being slightly darker skinned than the local populace)

A footnote on that last question. I only really noticed it when someone pointed it out to me, but a lot of the kids look very similar. Light brown/blond hair and blue eyes. Not exactly an Aryan super race, but worryingly easy to explain. Nobody ever seems to leave! Some of the staff are ex-pupils as are many of the Mums and Dads of the kids. If they didn't go to my school, they went to the rival school across the road. It does give the place a rather cosy family feel, bordering on the odd. I'd just be happier if they would reach out to extended family. Perhaps outside a mile radius of the school. For the gene pool's sake. I myself, with my swarthy skin and non estuary accent am regarded as a foreigner (I was born and brought up 12 miles away) and manifestly eyed with suspicion and mistrust.

Apart from one incident where talking about queen Elizabeth to year 8's & hinting at her lack of a husband. "what do people my age start to do?" "Retire?", the staff and kids have been great. I'm happy to be there and they're happy to have me. It's only a maternity cover, with very little prospect of being kept on so I have been applying for other jobs. My good friend Paul suggested sleeping with as many history teachers as possible so I can get continuous maternity cover. Laughingly I told this to my head of department this. Her earnest response was "you could do, but you'd have to get your timing right." Can nobody else see the flaw in this plan?

Moving on. I have a new love in my life. Lumps in all the right places but the harder I try the more difficult it is to get my hands on them! Mile End Climbing Wall is a great place! It was my good friend Ian's idea to do a weekend beginners climbing course there. As soon as the instructor saw me, he knew that I was ambitious, determined and likely to fall apart at a moments notice. And how right he was! I sit here and not climbing because I injured tendon in my foot whilst climbing, which means I cannot walk, let alone climb!

I still love it though and yearn to return. For beginners like me, it's an amazing core workout. I have to do my marking before I go, as my grip is so knackered by it, I can't hold a pen afterwards. I nearly had to sign out with a shaky X once, leading the wall attendant to wonder if I was actually literate.

It's very friendly down there and packed with young fit trendy looking people, so I provide a nice contrast. I am a bit of a minor celebrity there having landed myself the membership number 123456. Guy behind the desk said they staff had been talking about this magic member and shook my hand when he found out it was me. More famous as a number than for my climbing but I'll take what I can get.

However, since the course and before the injury I was making real progress. I bought some climbing boots, chalk bag and finger tape, so I at least I look the part. Being a man, I love the kit. I enjoy the ritual of squeezing my feet in the extremely snug boots and then doing them up as tightly as possible lacing all the way from the bottom (as I was told to). I don't care that the good flash climbers climb without even tying theirs up. I may not be very good, but at least I feel I might me. It does not matter what has been going on all day at work. When you climb you focus on nothing else. You are instantly transported back to being a six year old boy climbing trees. It's only the day after you're reminded you're almost 30!

Well it's a snow day so not in school. I shall leave you with the advice given to me by a deputy head in an e-mail this morning about what to do during the close down:

"This morning, Loose Women and Doctors Can I recommend Quantum Leap on ITV 4, also hoping to catch an episode of Diagnosis Murder or Murder She Wrote."

TTFN.

"Wingman"

2010-09-11T04:42:00.000-07:00

A little verbal camouflage may be required here. I have a friend, let's call him... erm... 'Pope Ian', of no fixed abode, Leytonstone (yes that should do it). He's good to hang out with, his easygoing style puts you well at ease, even laughs at my jokes which is a bit above and beyond. Great company. However, he is also a magnet for acts of randomness, that at worst turn into an amusing dinner party anecdote, and at best have been life defining moments.

One such example I can recall, fits somewhere in the middle. Pope Ian had been out trying to buy coat hangers, when a young lady approaches from nowhere & tells him, not to buy his hangers as the shop down the road is much cheaper. Buoyed by this consumer advice, Pope Ian then asks the lady if she knew of anywhere local that had cheap Internet?

Roll forward 15 minutes, he's in her flat using her Internet and he hears the popping of a wine cork. Half a bottle later, her ex-boyfriend walks in. I get a phone call. They've all gone down to the local pub and can I meet them there because this is weird and he needs back-up. Sadly I wasn't much help as several jugs of beer later, all four of us ended back up their flat. We needed to escape, but how? We did it by performing the Lambeth walk (they were Canadian and asked us to do it. We felt cheapened by the experience), walking high kicks and doffing imaginary toppers towards the front door, closing it quickly behind us and back to normality. If this seems strange to you, you should have been there!

Anyway, back to the present day. Pope Ian is at a leaving do of someone he hardly knows. Gets talking to people he simply doesn't know and manages to get an invite to a housewarming party that not even God knows. From the very little we know about the host from her myspace page, we know that she is a Classical composer, Cambridge Uni then Royal Academy of Music, multi award winning international jet setter. Not his usual type you might say.

Far too afraid to go on his own (and I don't blame him) Pope Ian went recruiting for a Wingman! Someone who is witty, urbane, steeped in the classics and not quite as charming as he is. After several scores of rejections from more suitable candidates, I got the nod, as has... erm.... Tiberius Banks (yes that should do it). So tonight we're all of to a party where we don't know a soul and have no a clue what to expect. Nevertheless, I intend to discharge my responsibilities with my usual commitment to my friends.

What does a wingman actually do? More research was required. Wikipedia defines it as a role that "a person may take when a friend needs support with approaching potential partners. A wingman is someone who is on the "inside" and is used to help someone with relationships." No problem! I can do that. Just be nice remember to say nice things and don't talk to much (could be a problem actually).

But then I stumbled upon "Ode to the Wingman". Fantastic I thought, we have our own song!

This chick's rockin your bro' on the dance floor...

But she's towing an anchor

A junior investment banker

Who's talkin' 'bout herself and not much more, oh...

So buy her a beer, that's the reason you're here, mighty wingman

You're takin' one for the team

So your buddy can live the dream

Wingman...

Oh Sh*t! The Wingman is supposed to take out the 'Gatekeeper' isn't he....

This Wingman is grounded!

A note for my 18 year old self.

2010-08-31T14:18:00.001-07:00

With thousands of students about to fly the nest and away to University I wondered, if i could go back in time, what advice I would give to my younger self to help me through that most daunting of transitions. I did this professionally in my last school for a group of sixth formers, but for myself, what home truths would I share?

Mum will cry when she drops you off. Be prepared because crying is contagious
Don't worry so much. You will be good at this.
Yes, everyone else seems to be having sex. Get over it.
You leave uni two stone heavier than when you arrived. Learn that your eyes are bigger than your belly.
Don't start smoking. It's antisocial, horrible and it's a bugger to quit, which you WILL do!
Never ever in your Greek History seminars call out "it's all Greek to me" when you don't understand something. Academics are not known for their sense of humour.
If you decide to fall in love, go for it. Just remember never to alienate your friends, as they're the people who will help you pick up the pieces again when it all goes belly up!
Always keep a little bit of yourself private. You'll need it. Probably in your second year to fall back on when times are tough.
Never use the condoms the University gives you. There is a reason they are free.
Don't compare yourself to other people. It's impossible for a start and you never know how messed up they are.
How people perceive you and how you perceive yourself are often two very different images.
If a woman gives you nice big hints that she likes you, don't freeze and be all prudish because you're a coward. No man ever went to the grave saying he wished he'd snogged less women.
Try as many sports as you can. Especially skiing, become Club Captain and win club of the year at the AU dinner. Because I bloody well enjoyed that moment.
Be yourself, choose you're own path and walk tall. People will respect you for it (As long as you don't go all weird then people will just talk about you behind your back)
Share everything but if you do be prepared to loose it all. It's replaceable anyway.
It doesn't matter that you don't really like clubbing. Some people are just like that.
Be brave. Try new things. You're young enough to bounce back. If I tried the same again, I may go crunch.
The secret to women, is a mystery. I don't know the answer and anyone who says they do, is a charlatan and lair and deserves your pity.

Have fun the class of 2010. Jealous? Well I have done it twice now, and it's about time I got a proper job. Good luck one and all x.

The Father, Son and the Holy Pope.

2010-08-26T10:19:00.000-07:00

Father and Son. Paul and I

I have a confession to make. For the schadenfreude I am about to relieve myself of, may Ian have mercy. The story goes something like this. When we met up for our weekly darts night a couple of weeks ago, he greeted me with the sad news that he had split up from his girlfriend. I hit my head against the wooden panelling of the pub in shock. I know how keen he had been on this young lady. I really felt for my friend.

However, the shock subsided and was replaced with a rather warm feeling of solidarity. You see both Paul and myself had become single a few months before. We have played a lot more golf together as a result. Paul can always be relied upon in a dark hour to hit some balls or play darts with. However, I felt there was one man missing. The warm feeling was knowing that "we've got him back, the Holy Trinity is reunited". Only until the next one comes along of course, but that will do me. We can split cabs now, stay out late and generally make merry at weekends. Bloody selfish I know, but what the hell, I didn't split 'em up, so I intend to take full advantage.

Two words came from Ian that sing like a choir of Angels in my ear. "Gentleman's retreat!" A weekend in the Brecon Beacons with some of the old Canada crew and a few hand picked special guests. Seven in all. All boys. Not loud, shouty, aggressive boys. People whom I know well, shared a lot with, respect and who are bloody funny. I have not laughed so much on a weekend for a long time.

Intrepid explorers.

Plus when boys get together, we get adventurous and a little bit silly. As a result our waterfall walk gave us both stunning scenery, a magical insight into the inside of a waterfall and double pneumonia. But we didn't care. Got back to the hostel, got showered and got a curry! No complaining, just jokes that next year we should do a city break as we marched soaking wet back to the car park.

Ian and Paul.

It just seemed as if all the moon and the starts had aligned themselves for a weekend of good clean wholesome fun. One that took my mind right off my own petty worries which I needed shaking from and returned me healthy, happy and contented. Now don't get me wrong. I love spending time with women, very much so. Especially on the sofa with a bottle of red and a good rom-com. I hope those days are not too far off again. But I also know that some of the group are already pairing off and settling down. Sometime soon, we won't all be able to saunter of to the mountains at the drop of a hat. Myself included. I'm a teacher! So if this was a last big hurrah together, than thanks for the memories boys. You were there when I needed you.

All change!

2010-08-25T10:17:00.000-07:00

Attempting to blog during my PGCE year was, as you can see, a complete failure. Luckily, my teacher training was not. By god it's been a hard road with plenty of bumps and scratches along the way, but enough highs to prove that it is the job for me. One third of a masters degree and an 'outstanding' Ofsted rating at the end of the course has helped me finish on a high.

I haven't managed to come through totally unscathed. My relationship with my long term girlfriend didn't make the end of the year. I threw myself into my work, loved it, but could have taken it easier and made more time for her. I'm no martyr, more selfish, I enjoyed my work. I had to, I would not have made it through otherwise. I relied heavily on my fellow PGCE students for support and who I know will continue to be friends and crutches during our NQT year.

The PGCE is over now. Time has been given back to me. Time for reflection, time to open back up to my family who found it difficult to relate. Time to repay old friends, have a beer and conversation again rather than just sitting like a shell shocked zombie, nothing much to say just throwing darts with a half smile. Time to think, play guitar, visit places. Perfect!

Well yes and no. I have been out a lot, seen old friends and made new ones. This has been great fun. I have found new interests and had the time to research them a little in my constant quest and unquenching thirst for knowledge. I enjoy this, so don't think that I haven't been, but I find it hard to enjoy things for enjoyments sake. I like to have a purpose. I don't start work until October. It feels very distant. There I know, is my purpose but at the moment I feel very detached. It's everything to me. I'm just not very good at being just... me!

Basically I am a shit louche. I have lead a very charmed life and struggle with the fact. Bloody useless. I should give it up and give it so someone who deserves it more and would make better use of it.

Do I sound down? Not a bit of it. Time has allowed me to get fitter than I have been in the last 10 years, I'm down to a light heavyweight and my brain is as sharp as a tack, sense of humour fully restored. I just think to much. So much so, that I forget what I have actually achieved in the last 12 months. The kids that thanked me for being their form tutor or teacher, the merits, praise for students who went for it and got it. The look on my year 9's faces last period on a Friday when I had them in the palm of my hand looking at the First World War and the genuine thanks and respect from the colleagues I worked with.

"Come on then Andy, upon reflection with all things considered, had it all been worth it?"

Of course it bloody has!

Barking Rugby Club's 'Gentleman's Dinner'

2009-04-04T02:27:00.000-07:00

Morning all,

Last night was Barking Rugby Clubs first annual 'Gentleman's evening'. Basically a fundraiser for our rather impoverished little club. Money spinner it was too. £35 quid per ticket, plus an extra fiver each to take part in possibly the worlds worst value raffle (first prize was 2 tickets to the edf cup final, and second was a bottle of wine)

Nevertheless, we arrived in good time and Dad & I secured our place at the bar. We have always considered ourselves as outsiders at the club. We have never played and we don't own a club tie (which were much on display) Although we do attend almost every home game, as well as the occasional away fixture. Therefore, when Bob (former president) showed us to where we would be sitting, he said he knew us because he hadn't seen out faces before, we were a hurt. Although he was warm friendly and wished us a very happy evening, it didn't do much to diminish out 'outsider' status

As we sat and introduced ourselves to people we had questioned during the recent AGM, we were again asked if we were new to the club. 6 years probably is new to most of the people at the table. Most of them were original Park Modern old boys.

Nevertheless the food was agreeable, simple and plentiful. The £20 whip per person, helped to keep the conversation flowing as dad and I attempted to ingratiate our self into the heart of the old guard.

Being a 'gentleman's evening', I was a bit worried that the entertainment might get a bit too alpha male for my tastes. Strippers and alike. We knew that Jason Leonard and Jeff Probyn, both former England front rows, were going to be there and would probably do a bit of banter. But what unfolded was a simple and joyous evening of much laughter and merriment.

They kept it simple. After dinner when we were a well oiled and willing audience, Jeff Probyn stood up and gave one of the funniest after dinner speeches I have ever heard. It wouldn't have mattered if you know the people he was talking about, he was just funny. He finished his set with a bit of a drinking masterclass. Pint followed by Pint, then wine and port all under a minute.

(Jeff Probyn just before his spectacular drinking finale)

Jason, not the consummate performer that Jeff is, stood and answer a few questions put to him by Jeff. He answered with real heart and honesty. His talk was short and he allowed us re-engage with the cheese board.

We chatted rather drunkenly with Bob again and then phoned mum to see if she would pick us up. Dad's offer of making her a cup of tea when we got in miraculously worked. He than accused me of having bare faced cheek in asking mum to come and get us. Never mind the fact that it was him that demanded that I called mum in the first place.

Dad then proceeded to try to get into the wrong car, to which the woman in the silver Ka seemed to thankfully find amusing.

Got home. Had that cup of tea, and as is par for the course on such drunken evenings, Dad and I had a Jam session on the guitars, as I forgot the chords and him the words. Didn't seem to matter though.

Time for bed said Zebedee!! I awoke at 6.30 this morning with a bit of a sore head and an empty wallet. Success for us and certainly a success for Barking RUFC.

(dad Mentoring Jason Leonard OBE. Dad is on the right)

2009-04-02T08:32:00.000-07:00

Hello everyone,

It's been nearly 3 years since I last blogged. At that time I had just returned from Canada. My last post was a quick summary, a thank you and a reflection on being home, before I signed off. The intention was always to carry on blogging. To use the blog instead, to keep in touch with the Canadian friends I left behind as I continued to enivitably stumble through re-adjustment, jobs and relationships.

So why am I back now? Well, I have done facebook and twitter. None of them are quite as pure, quite as personal and in depth as a blog. I hope Blogger doesn't go the way of friends re-united (Billy no mates).

Secondly, I no longer want to treat the blog as a shrine to Canada. The hangover has gone on long enough. It's time to continue the story.

Thirdly, I may finally have tomething to say. I'm changing my career. I'm off to do teacher training at Roehampton. My passion is History, and I think that the energy I have for something I actually know a bit about, will hopefully rub off on future generations. Changing the world one child at a time. Foolish idealist.

A lot has happened in the last few couple of years. Holly, hobbies and hopes are all new. But more of in later posts.

It's not always been easy, but there has always been room for fun.

So lets have less of this in the future.

And more of this.

Ciao for now.

Home!

2006-10-09T07:35:00.000-07:00

Yes I'm back home safe and sound after living in Canada and my travels around the USA. To be honest my feelings about being back are mixed. After contemplating this with Ian, and e-mailing Liz who is still in Vancouver, we decided that Vancouver was only the stage, and a very beautiful one at that. However, it was the people who make the play, and so before I start posting about the cities, stories and creepy old people that I shared hostels with on my travels, I'd like to say a quick hello to the people I have sadly left behind.

Those sweeties at Worksafe threw Daniela and myself a surprise leaving do. I was certainly suprised. I had three days left to work. I waer my t-shirt with pride. Nobody in London has a clue where it's from.

They gave us a wonderful photo album, full of photos of our adventures with work and signed by all the department. This was so wonderful. It is certainly my favourite souvenier from Canada. It's full of people I admire and respect saying nice things about me. Who wouldn't?

The other great thing bout worksafe is at every opportunity they tried to feed me. As you can see, being away from home for so long, I had all but wasted away, but those plucky heros t EDS kept me going. I had to. There were binders to be built!

For those of you not familiar with the Uber one, here his Laura looking lovely in the early evening sun at Bridges on Granville Island. This was my official leaving do! Although there are only photos of about 5 people, I can assure you there were at least 6, including Lisa and her husband and Christine, my manager. Natasha and Deanna, were never in doubt, but some of the fellow Bunacers turned up in suits. I would have expected no less.

Daniela and Simon doing that great party trick of whipping off your underwear with your clothes still on. Not really. Deanna, kindly bought Daniela, Simon, me and laura sone Canada underwear. And Yes Deanna it DOES glow in the dark.

Good luck in South Africa Daniela. Good luck in Langley Deanna.

Watch of updates about the trip. Next post will be Seattle, the land that air conditioning forgot.

Goodbye!

2006-08-29T19:23:00.000-07:00

Well, my time in Canada is up. I am writing this post very quickly ($1 for 12 mins) to say thank you and goodbye to all my friends back in Canada, at Worksafe and to the other Bunacers we left behind.

I'm in a hostel in Seattle at the moment and very nice it is too. I'm very excited about my rail trip across the States and this will be the reason for my lack of posts over the next few weeks.

The hardest goodbye of all was to my lovely girlfriend of 10 months Laura. I know I'm going to miss her badly because I already do. You have been there with me almost all my time in Canada and have been instrumental in making it probably the best year of my life.

Thank you xxx.

Calgary. And just to think I've raced with "Eddie the Eagle" Edwards!

2006-08-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

Down town Cowtown!
I have always had a bit of a fascination with Calgary, ever since I heard about the 'Calgary Stampede'. I have a bit of a fascination with cowboys, so 'Cowtown ' was definitely one on the list.

As a very generous birthday present, Laura had paid for the flights, leaving after work on Friday night and returning early before work on Tuesday morning (that was to be a long day). After work on Friday I had a few hours to kill and so, I with a few carefully selected work colleagues went for a drink or 4 in a local boozery, and after a good oiling, I met up with the lovely Laura who refused to talk to me because I had shaved my beard off. (Don't worry, it's back already).

We had an easy flight into Calgary and took a cab to the hotel.

Next morning I awoke to silent treatment from Laura as my beard had not recovered overnight. It was not until that evening that a thick enough shadow had developed that she recognised me as the man she wished to spend all eternity with. (isn't that right Laura?)

Anyhow I persevered, and Laura and I went to the Calgary skytower. Again we ascended 100's of feet just to look back at the ground again. The views were very good and it gave us a good perspective of where everything in the city was.

The one thing it didn't do was give us any idea of was, where any one was? Cowtown was deserted all weekend!

Some of this may be due to the major repair works that were being undertaken in the C-train, which meant that we had catch replacement bus services all weekend. Hey ho. Apart from that, we had no problems getting around all weekend.

On Saturday afternoon we went to a Calgary Stampeeders vs. Saskatchewan Roughriders game. I sort of understand the game. Calgary won! There was a streaker and a fight in the male toilets. More like English football than any other North American sport I have seen.

Look closely, and you can see the Streaker. Not even my zoom lens could have saved this one

After the game we went to this very cool pub for dinner. Laura watched this couple on a first date in the corner. She expertly described the psychology behind the moves and gestures. "Why then" I asked, "was our first date such a disaster?

Next morning we got up (Just) and headed to Calgary Zoo. Not only is it a zoo, but is also a prehistoric park and Gardens. Therefore, for our first hour we just saw models of dead animals. It was a relief when we realised that there were also live animals at the zoo.

I'm not usually a big fan of zoo's, but this one really impressed. I have a soft spot for bears after Living in Canada for so long. I also love the lion hat!

The Monday was, Heritage day in Alberta. (BC day in BC) and so we trotted off to Heritage park. Heritage Park is a wild west version of the Beamish museum in Northumberland. It's bigger too.

The Canadian Calvary were out in full dress to entertain us with a great show of horseman ship, in very hot weather.

A whole pioneer village had been rebuilt, with original buildings being taken down from all over Alberta and reassembled at the park. Each building had a Historian who could tell you all about all the stuff inside and about the history of the house in general. Laura actually gave a lesson to one of the staff by, describing how a turn of the century (1900, not 2000) ice ream maker worked. Laura's Mum still uses one!!! Thinks haven't really moved on all that much in the south!

The really cool bit, is it has a huge old steam train, carriages with three working train stations.

The train took us to the carnival area, where turn of the century rides, made me feel sick after my corn dog.

There was also an old paddle steamer that took ferry cruises, but we just didn't have time to do it all.

I flew back the next morning. I was up at 3.30 am. I made it until 4pm. Then I had to go home and sleep. I head a really great time. By the end of the trip, I couldn't get Laura to be quiet!

It's a funny old world!

Confession!

2006-08-25T15:22:00.000-07:00

OK OK OK, some of you are being awfully sweet, but in fact (hard to believe I know) the picture below is not of my body. Glen, is the kind gentleman responsible for the photo. He's a friend of a friend at work. Tattoos are not my cup of tea, but I just thought I'd see how many of you fell for it.

Not many!

Why have a six pack when you can have a barrel???

Mum Won't be Pleased

2006-08-24T14:51:00.000-07:00

It's my last weekend in Vancouver and I'm a little sad about that. I have had such a great time here, that the petulant child in me really doesn't want to leave.

This trip is however for a year only, and I have new and exciting challenges to face at home. Even before I get there I have a month long rail trip coast to coast across the United States. It's only when you write it down and look at it that you realise just how fortunate I am. For that, I am grateful to my loving family, (who have always supported me in nearly all of my hair brained schemes) and to my friends (who occasional join me in them).

I wanted a permanent reminder of my time here, something that will stick with me long after the memories fade. I though this was spot on!! I hope you like it.

In other news, it's been a great day for the Bull sisters. Laura had an interview with he Education Institute and got instantly accepted. All while Lydia received 5 A*, 4 A's and 1 C in here G.C.S.E. results. Many congratulations to you both.

So I guess this means I am the black sheep of the family now. By the end of the trip, I'll be jobless, homeless, and skint! I know Mum can't wait to have me and my guitars back home!

I'll be back soon! Promise

Why I'm glad I went to Seattle by Andrew Bull aged 25.

2006-08-15T19:16:00.000-07:00

Laura reasoning with me that I should go to Seattle.

Me enjoying a beer at the Baseball

Laura after after the Mariners Team talk

Spot the ball competition

That market place in Seattle. What's it's name Simon?

Seattles origional poo pipe.

The Space Needle.

The worlds first ever Starbucks

The view from the top of the Space Needle.

A better view from the Space needle.

I have been on the road a lot recently. I was away for three weeks with Mum and My sister Laura, touring around British Columbia, Alberta and then Alaska on the cruise. So what better than the very next weekend to go on a weekend break to Seattle???

Rest and relaxation by the beach in Sunny Vancouver I hear you cry?? Well maybe, but after some gentle persuasion from Girlfriend Laura, I decided to get the bus after work on Friday and join her in Seattle for the weekend.

I got the bus after work and arrived in Seattle about 10.30. The bus dropped us off in a less desirable part of the city near the space needle. Laura met me there with considerable relief that I was now there with her. We got on a couple of buses, packed with baseball fans and headed out to our hotel. My head hit the pillow at 12am midnight.

Next morning we got up for breakfast and went to the front desk to get some change for the bus. The lady behind the desk, saw two impoverished adorable young things, and offered us free tickets to the Seattle Mariners v's Boston Red Sox game. Some guy couldn't go so he just left the tickets at reception. Off we toddled. Laura was able to call the game for me because it is a wee bit different to rounders you know. He has me sort of hooked on it actually.

Back to the hotel for dinner and a fine nights rest.

Back up next morning, and we're off to town to go on an underground tour of Seattle. Seattle is built on a flood plane. Surveyors at the time knew this but had a penchant for wading twice a day. It took only 30 years to realise that this wasn't good for a whole host of horrible reasons.

So, they decided to build the city one floor up. Early photos show pedestrians on the sidewalk 14 feet above the road below with carts and horses. The entrances to buildings were built on the second floor of buildings to accommodate the planned rise in the sidewalk.

This eventually happened, Manifestly an underground city emerged. Bars, vice dens thrived in this darkened environment. The tour itself was made by the guides who took us around. Their blend of History and humor illuminated what in reality was the basements and foundations of buildings.

After that we toured around the Market and saw the first ever Starbucks. Who would have thought that in less that 40 years, Starbucks would be more powerful that Britain.

Then we went up to the Space Needle. The views are very pretty, probably even surpassing the views from our own Harbor centre. I'll leave it for you to decide!

I've been around round round.....

2006-08-09T15:12:00.000-07:00

Dear reader of character and taste,

I'm so sorry it's been a while following up with updates on the blog. The problem is that I have been so busy trying to make the most of my time left here in Canada, that I forgot to designate time to actually tell you about it. I have only spent 1 of the last 5 weekends in Vancouver. I only have 3 left!

So, now that I have a little time to let the dust settle, I will endeavor to let you know what has been going on.

Posts to follow are:

1. Seattle. Laura who was already in Washington State, invited me down so we could enjoy the city together. We had a huge slice of luck, which changed our plans for the weekend, and did some other touristy stuff as well. So stay tuned for that one.

2. Works Hawaiian BBQ: A work social that ended in heartbreak (I ended up singing and loosing to the Germans at Bocci)

3. Cowtown (Calgary): Just got back yesterday. Had a fun packed three days with Laura. We packed a lot in. There will be full nudity in this post (I'll explain all in time, It's OK mother), so pregnant women or people with heart conditions may want to consider their own sensibilities before viewing.

Unbelievably, I have heard nothing but praise for my playing and singing at the Works BBQ (I have kept the e-mails as proof....Doubters!), so I have been encouraged to get back catalogue cut to disc and distributed. Here exclusively for 'Nextquestion' fans, is a sneek preview of the artwork to the cover to my new album "Unplugged".

There are as yet, no plans for a DVD.

Love to all,

Andrew. xxx

Hugh Laurie - Mystery

2006-08-04T11:27:00.000-07:00

Hugh Laurie is, a national treasure. I started my 'youtube' explorations from Peter Cook, who has long been a comedic hero of mine. From there I went to Stephen Fry, who I also adore. His autobiograph "Moab is my Washpot" was a very honest, open and charming read.

He, of course talks about his long term comedy partner in his book, usually using him to contrast his own failings. Music being one of them. He is a natural musician, who can play any instrument put in front of him, great comic and straight actor, accomplished novelist (I loved the Gun Seller, my ex thought it was silly, so I loved it more), and director.

I stumbeled upon this clip in Works library internet station. I was laughing so loud, I had to turn it off and leave.

Pure Genius,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__DrJI7mTHQ

I want to learn the Piano now. I think I will!

Who's a clever thing then???

2006-08-02T15:05:00.000-07:00

Just a very quick post to congratulate my Little Sister Laura, on her Graduation with Honours From Nottingham Trent University.

This is one of the hardest parts of being away from home. We're all bristling with pride and I would have loved more than anything to have been there to share in it.

I heard that it was a great day. Bit to warm for most, but everything went without a hitch. Laura did us proud.

Well Done Laura!

Laura flanked by Mum and Dad. Don't they scrub up well!

Big Ben!

2006-07-28T11:07:00.000-07:00

People laugh and joke saying "ha-ha 25 is no age", "If I knew then what I know now" and other such fluff, while really turning to their companion and muttering "he can't be 25 he looks so much older!"

Well I make up for that with my 'enthusiastic amateur' attitude towards life that defies the care warn lines on my brow, slight graying of the hair, and keeps me feeling young on the inside.
It's true that when I look down I no longer see a six pack: it's been replaced with a barrel! And hangovers are brought on by sips too many, not pints. The only regression I'm having to the early days of my youth, is that I'm going to bed early again!

More irrefutable proof, if it was needed, that I have long since been cute, comes from the next generation.

Start cooing and ahhhhh-ing for this Nextquestion exclusive. Ladies and Gentlemen, I am proud to introduce Benjamin Milton Douglas Russell. He's 14 weeks old!

Son of Helen and Greg. So much part of our family history I can never remember if we're actually related or not.

Ben is modeling a T-shirt, we got him in Alaska, and a beautiful pair of big brown eyes.

Obviously being 5000 miles away I have yet to meet Ben himself, but my sister talks of nothing else. He's already more popular in my office than I am!!

I'll be back soon to pass on some of the knowledge I have accumulated. Someone else will have to do the whole women talk, I wouldn't mind sitting in on that actually. I would be delighted however, to teach young Ben the Glories of Rugby Union!

A load of Bulls!

2006-07-24T16:13:00.000-07:00

It was a fine summers day as I left Kitsilano beach on June 25th to pick up my Mother and Sister from the airport. They did much better than Dad getting through immigration and customs. Laura attributes this to her sweet smile, but I think it has more to do with her terrifying temper.

It had been a long day for both of them, so we started of their Canadian odyssey wondering had it really been 9 months since we had last seen each other, and walking around English Bay. In the evening we went to the Boathouse restaurant which has stunning views over English bay, great food, only matched by a very well chosen wine menu.

Next day the girls had managed to defy the jetlag and get a solid nights sleep. First things first, I wont all the way back over to English bay to bring then into downtown. First port of call was the Harbor Centre. The Harbor Centre is a big tower which has a viewing deck at the top. You can see Mt Rainier and baker, in Washington state, all the way from up there.

Next it was a brief pit-stop in Gastown for a coffee, and Laura (Girlfriend not sister). She joined us and introduced herself to Mum and Laura. I already know her. She made a very good first impression. After that it was a bit shaky (Just kidding Laura Z)

After that, it was back to my swinging bachelor pad in Kits. Our good intentions to clean up and make our place look half respectable for Mum, somehow failed to materialise. Never mind.
The afternoon consisted of a walk down to Kits beach and then onto Granville Island, for some shopping and Dinner at Bridges with Ian.

To cut a long story short, next day we went to Grouse mountain. It was at this point that I decided to bring my camera along, so I can allow some of the pictures to do the talking for me. It was a blisteringly hot day with snow still all around us. The highlight had to be the two Grizzly bears Koola and Grinder, and the world famous Lumberjack show.

Next day we went off to Stanley park and the aquarium. This is always a fun place, although I did manage to fall asleep during the whale show (In my defence, It was the forth time I had seen it). That evening we had a BBQ at ours, but as we were heading off on our Rockies tour first thing the next morning, I was booked a room for the night in the Coast Plaza Hotel.

I like to think that the first hotel would set the standard for the rest of the holiday. The problem was, because I had got there so late, I didn't have a chance to take full advantage of the two person Jacuzzi in my room. However, the three person bed was very comfortable and a good night rest was had.

Next morning we awoke to go for breakfast on the 36th floor. Beautiful views over English Bay and plenty of sausages got us off to a great start. It was here that we first met up with our co travelers, whom we would be spending the next 11 days. A sprinkling of Americans, Canadians and Kiwi's were out numbered by a mass of Australians. Most of which were, delightful, funny and sound, and just a couple had my mind racing back to the first season of Kath and Kim. Alto we were introduced more formally, to our guide Claudio, and our driver Steve.

We started our journey up through a town called Hope (RIP Gene Pitney), and then to our first layover at Lac Le Jeune. Le Jeune in in the middle of nowhere. Populated by bears and sea creatures, Loonies and the occasional Hotelier. We were nor allowed TV's in our room because the power supply is very limited to the middle of nowhere. However, the best thing about this hotel, and any other hotel we stayed in, was the food. It was sublime. Dinner and breakfast alone gained me half a stone. And I don't care!

Next day we were off to Jasper, in our first national park. Jasper was a fun place and all geared up to celebrate Canada day. I was in dire need of a cheer up as England had just been knocked out of the World Cup, by some cheating Manchester United player. I will not even have by blog bear my name.

It was in Jasper that I did the Edith Cavelle glacier walk, which was fun and very informative.

Next we went on to Banff. We stayed here for two nights as well. Banff was a really nice town. I remember that a lot of Bunacers went there for the ski season. I bumped into one while I was shopping. I had completely forgotten her name, and being to polite to ask what it was, I never found out. Mind you I don't think she remembered what mine was either.

It was from Banff that we took the Glacier tour. We took what looked like a moon bus up to the top of the glacier and were allowed to go out and have a look around. The view was something quite spectacular. After another talk about glaciers, I am quite an expert now.

It all starts getting blurry at this point, but I think the next stop was Kamloops. It rained. The End!

We hit the road once again to go to Whistler. We arrived at 6 pm and had to leave early the next morning. We did a quick rush around the shops and had a good meal but there wasn't time to explore in great detail sadly.

After our overnight stop in Whistler, we darted off to Victoria. I really liked Victoria. I had been in the winter with Dad, but in the summer it comes alive. This was also our opportunity to go whale watching. We went out in a fairly decent sized boat and powered for about 1hour 30mins until we got to the whale area where the families lived. It was a beautiful day, without a cloud in the sky. We saw plenty of whales and a much rarer sea otter, swimming on it's back, playing in the sun. They were very near extinction at one point.

We did quite a bit of shopping in Victoria, we also enjoyed the night air and beautiful Empress Hotel, and Parliament buildings that overlook the bay.

Back to Vancouver where I spent another night in a hotel after returning to the Boathouse with Ian and Laura for dinner. Up again we were, nice and early for the start of our Alaskan Cruise on the Norwegian Wind.

We boarded the impressive ship at about 1pm. We had a quick mooch about the deck, pools casino, shops and theatre as we waited for our baggage. I was a little uneasy about how I would feel about being confined to a ship for a whole week. After 24 hours of luxury, food and alcohol, I wondered how I had ever led a normal life before this point. It was heaven.

So what did I do to pass the time. Well what any well balanced family would do on such an occasion. We HIT THE SLOTS BABY! Yes we gambled on the 5 cent slots. We started of with $3 each and ended off with about $60. We re-invested all that in the ships bingo tournament and lost the lot. Never mind!

I also spent a lot of time perfecting my golf swing in the on board driving range. The boat was a dream. We swam in the pool, ate at all the different restaurants, read, slept, gambled, ate more etc.

It was my Birthday for the formal night, so the three Bull, got dressed up in their fancy attire and hit the one restaurant that had a cover charge. We ordered a bottle of champagne, courtesy of my little sister and enjoyed a splendid meal and generally enjoyed the evening in each others company.

We had three ports of call in Alaska. They were Ketchikan, Juneau and Skagway. All three towns were pretty similar. They looked Alaskan, had wooden sidewalks, lots of bars, and was only open for half of the year. They had far to many jewelry shops for pure authenticity, but hey ho. We tended to get off the boat and then mooch around as my Sister would systematically tear through the shops which had been stupid enough to give her a money off voucher or offer her free stuff. As a student fresh out of Uni, she still has that mean fighting penny pinching quality, that is lost on the more refined or lazy people like me.

Skagway was a bit different. I decided to go on a little excursion at Skagway. I was driven back into Canada through the Yukon and spent the day canoeing and horseback riding. This was great fun, especially the horse riding, as it gave me a real pioneer spirit feeling, riding through the mountains as if it was Montana. It was superb. The only thing that would have made it better is if they'd have let me wear my cowboy hat, instead of a tired old cycling helmet.
The last three days were spent on the boat traveling back down from the glacier fields, down the back passage and back to Vancouver. The scenery was breath taking, with the ice bergs and the whales making periodic guest appearances.

Thank you to mum and Laura for having me along, it was great seeing you, and a posthumous thank you to Aunty Pat, who helped fund this escapade. We did you proud!

Birthday Surprise!

2006-07-18T15:16:00.000-07:00

No I know all of you are chomping at the bit so see some of the majestic photos from my trip, but I have run into yet another slight snag. The silly e-mail station at work won't let me use my CD which has my photos burned onto it, to upload. Therefore I'm a bit stuck until I get to an internet cafe. It will almost certainly have to be tomorrow evening. But they are good, so stay tuned for that.

Therefore in the meantime, I have some photos from yesterdays suprise birthday party in the production room to share.

Lisa, had the camera, as I entered my little office to get the day underway. You have no need to imagine my suprise, as the moment is here in full colour for you.

No wonder I look suprised, my birthday was a week ago.
My card signed by the office.
I opened my present. It made a big clanging noise as Lisa lifted it. Could it be BEER!!!! How did they know!!

Spookey! Notice the baloons and banners in the background. I work with some very sweet people.

Ok folks, don't panic Paul, I will get my photos up soon, I don't have internet at my work desk or in my house like some. Plus, thank you Mrs Banks for your best wishes.

TTFN.

Bull returns to the crease, 25 not out!

2006-07-17T15:08:00.000-07:00

Yes dear readers, I'm back. I have just transfered all my pics from my three week holiday with Mum and Sis onto cd for your viewing pleasure, just send $25 + p&p...........!

I'll post some as soon as I get a chance. Probably tomorrow. I have quite a few, so some liberal editing is in order I think.

By the title of the post, you may have guessed, I had my 25th birthday (on the 10th). Thank all you Bunacer's and people at home who sent me a card (I didn't really want to say anything, but when I opened my cards, they were full of best wishes, but no cheque or $20 bill in sight. Must be some sort of mistake)

Thanks also to my friends at work, who threw me a little suprise gathering this morning when I got in. Many thanks for the beer. I still can't believe how you knew I love beer. You must be mind readers.

Ok break over. Until tomorrow dear readers,

Andy xxx

New Zealand 2007-?

2006-06-23T13:19:00.000-07:00

Anyone? Pick up your exclusive B&B T-shirts form Andy. Only 1200 (GBP) each.

I'm off on holiday now, for the next three weeks. Therefore the blog will be sporadic at best. When I return, I will post 'haste' details of Mum and Sis's visit, the Rockies, and an Arctic cruise.

How exciting!!!

TTFN,

Andy

5 men Grinding.

2006-06-20T11:04:00.000-07:00

Ok Ok, so I may have gone a tad overboard on the sailing photos, but it was great fun. So to prove that I am a man of many differing talents, let me introduce you to the Grouse Grind. Grouse is one of the mountains that surrounds Vancouver. I heard it has a pretty view of Vancouver from the top. So instead of paying the $30 it costs to go up in the cable car, we decided to take the grind trail up instead and get some much needed exercise.

At the top. Why do I look like the only one drenched in hard earned sweat.
I live in the far left corner
Our transit home. it's not recommended walking down as it is very steep, so it only costs $5 to get down. At this stage in the precedings this seemed like a bargain.

Sheila's Pics from the weekend.

2006-06-15T14:51:00.000-07:00

Courtesy Of Sheila. Many thanks. She not only has a better eye, but also has a better camera. Even beter though, there are more of ME in them.

Love to all Andy "Man of The Sea" Bull.

Howe Sound. The view from our boat's Dock
Behold the Epicurious!
My back and me chatting to the other sailors.
Captain Terry and the Young Apprentice.
Me talking on Aristotle's earlier works.
Look Mum I'm driving!
Capt Terry and Pauline, ready to plunder the L'Aristo
Kevin the Fireman foredecker. Cool personified!

Around Bowen Island Race 10th 11th June

2006-06-13T18:07:00.000-07:00

I'm going to let the pictures do most of the talking (Lucky you). Any questions leave me a comment. Anyone know how to get more involved in this type of racing back in the UK, Please Please leave a comment!!!
Bowen Island. The scene that greets you from the dock. And no it isn't named after the great Jim Bowen
The view out from snug cove, where our boat was docked
Slightly better view.
Captain Terry getting the weeknd under way on Friday night when we arrived at the dock
Kevin, Pauline and Capt Terry in a pirate hats at dinner. This would explain a lot. I woke up at 4.30 am with a stinking hangover. I went all the way to the dock to get a shower, only to realise that I needed a loonie. I left my wallet back at the boat.
The bstart line crammed with 150 boats. We were recalled 3 times. We were leading the entire fleet at one point
Cap't Terry discussing with our navigator the best way to get away from the dreded L'Aristo boat.
Spinnicars raised for the dash home.
Thought I'd get the sail in for framing this time.
Beautiful mountains
wonderful forearms. Ahem!
The dock party after the race was in full swing as we returned to our home for the night
The view looking back over to the land
Capt Terry and me enjoying a beer at the end of a hard days racing. We had an early night (Not together) and it was just Terry and me that sailed home. I got a bit of a master calss, from the Tasmanian Devil himself.

Thanks to Terry, Sheila and all the Crew for having me back and letting me love every minute of it. You are wonderful people and you do great things. Thanks a million.

Andy.

Silva Bay Race Photos 3rd & 4th June

2006-06-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

Me working the spinnaker sheet. Thats the big one behind me.
Doug, trying to do the same but with less wind.
Pretty boat
Handsome driver!
No wind. Best thing to do is to sit and chill out.
And take in the mountain views.
Which way to the Pub Sheila??
BAck of the boat looking out to the Gulf Islands
More Mountains
Tugboat Island. Our home for the night.

The Royal Vancouver Yacht Club-house at the Island before we all hit the dancefloor

2006-06-13T17:19:00.000-07:00

The view from the balcony of the club house where we ate.
More stunning views.
Sunset!
Cheers! Drink more beer. We'll generate our own wind.
The Epicurious!
Rear view shot. It's for sale!!!
Ensign if the Royal Vancouver Yacht Club
Lets show the natives how we dance in Britain

That good!!!

England expects every man to do is duty

2006-06-05T15:09:00.000-07:00

Sadly I don't seem to be able to upload photos on th blog at the mo. I will in due course. So fornow, you will just have to imagine my Sailing Adventures until I can do something about it. Enjoy.

PS. Shout out to Pearl and Mark! Glad you had a great time in Vancouver.

Heralding from a Maritime Nation and being a direct descendant (of sorts) of Drake, Cook and Nelson, the sea is in my blood! (Plus I live on Trafalgar Street. Coincidence I think not.)

Having let slip my victory at the now legendary Fairlop Waters Regatta of 1992, I was invited by Sheila from work to come on a racing weekend up to Silva Bay in the Gulf Islands of Vancouver.

I jumped at the chance. It was a two day race. Day one was a race to Tugboat Island (Owned by the Royal Vancouver Yacht Club). We would dock there and party for the night. Day two was a race back home. A total distance of 38 miles. The aggregate finishes from both races would decide the winners.

Mr. Whitbread would have been proud of the zeal at which I got myself "Gore Tex'd" up for the race.

The Epicurious is a 30 something foot boat which needs a crew of 7 when at full capacity. She is also for sale. Therefore on Saturday morning, all packed up, I was picked up by Sheila and driven up to the boat. Once at the boat I met up with the rest of the crew. Our Captain Terry (retired teacher and general enthusiast), Doug (Lawyer), Alan (Lawyer), RJ (Investments Chap and Sailor man), Sheila (Instructional Designer) and me (Skiv).

We set off in fine winds and fair weather. We made a brilliant start, and made ground on our nemesis boat L'Aristo, captained by the Captain Birdseye look-a-like, Craig.

I went about my new tasks trying unsuccessfully not to fall over. The wind was quite slow but the sun was out.

As the breeze died to nothing, we decided that we were never going to finish the race in the 7 hours allotted to us. We fired up the engine, opened up the beer and chugged into Silva Bay.

What a place this is. Tugboat Island is a small rock, but surrounded by the most beautiful bay.

The Island had a camping ground a block with Showers and a toilet and a little bar and clubhouse with a beautiful balcony attached. It was here that we picked our spot and dinned.

On the menu, were the finest steaks I have ever tasted. Terry, had marinated the steaks on the way, and Alan had gone to the BBQ pit to cook them. The man is a genius. They were so soft and tender. They melted in my mouth. I think at final count, I had eaten 3.

During and after that, we opened up the wine and ha ourselves a merry old time. Sheila and I danced, pulling moves Fred and Ginger would have been proud of. After helping myself to a rum with trace elements of Coke in it, I noticed that Sheila's, and my dancing, was hitting new peaks of excellence. We decided that for the benefit of all the other young dancers who were being put off by our professional display, we would retire. Furthermore, the ability to stand was becoming more and more of a problem.

I was sleeping on the deck. Or at least I was sleeping until it started raining at 5 in the morning. I lay there hoping the rain would just go away, it didn't. I went for cover, but the rain still drifted on me, so in the end I slept with a towel over my face.

We rose nice and early. It was till raining and a bit overcast, but this meant WIND!!!! Terry fixed us the greatest omelet I have ever had, with shrimp cooked in garlic and butter on the side. It was delicious!

Wet gear on and off we go. Another great start timed by Terry. Were away and there is wind. We start averaging about 8-9 knots which felt like warp speed after yesterday. Sadly it didn't last. The wind died again. The sun came out to play and we were being pulled in by nothing more than the tide. We tried desperately to get the boat back in the allotted time but sadly we didn't quite make it. We chugged in to False Creek Yacht club, cleaned up and unloaded. It felt like an almost ceremonious return. We made the Granville Island ferry look puny.

Sheila kindly dropped me off home. I cleaned myself up and went t for dinner with Laura. I lasted about 45 mins before I ran home and collapsed withy severe fatigue. I went to bed about 9.30pm.

I had a fantastic time and the crew were really great people. I very much enjoyed sailing, what they taught me and the thrill of being out on the sea. Good job really, as it looks as if I'm crewing again next weekend for the Bowen Island race. Captain Terry wants me back!!!

Poets Corner

2006-05-31T15:18:00.000-07:00

I'm a little bit of everything,
But of everything, I know not,
It's of the things I do not know,
That I think about a lot.

I wish that I was smarter,
That I understand every page,
I could try to be a wiser chap,
But wisdom only comes with age.

I've signed up to this big adventure,
Made my mark and made new friends,
But all to soon it changes again,
And God knows how it ends?

But now I'm not so worried,
And looking back it seems strange,
That due to my little bit of everything,
I'm no longer scared of change.

You know I'm good!

Here's to you Mr Allingham!

2006-05-31T11:19:00.000-07:00

A verteran of the Battle of Jutland which took place 90 years ago today, Henry Allingham, 109, was handed a scroll, a badge of honor and a bottle of malt whisky by Graham Marsden, Mayor of Eastbourne in East Sussex.

Mr Allingham said the whisky, along with "cigarettes and wild, wild women", was the secret of his long life.

He is Britains' oldest man.

He turns 110 next week!

Cheers Mr Allingham.

The Beautiful Game

2006-05-27T12:56:00.000-07:00

Thursday night saw the much anticipated game between Canada U-20 and Brazil U-20. This was the third and final game in a three match series. The Canadians won the first game, which was the first time any Canadian team had ever beaten any Brazilian team. Brazil bounced back and won the second.

So tonight was the finale. We nearly missed the kickoff as we got stuck in roadoworks. Canadians, not used to such things, panicked and started looting the streets. Us Brits however, used to such things, calmy waited on the bus and got to our seats just in time for the kickoff.

I have to say, I did feel quite a thrill seeing the bright yellow shirts of Brazil for the first time. There were a lot of Brazilian Fans there too, so both national anthems we met with equal amounts of gusto.
Right from the kickoff you could sense the quality of the Brazilian. They instinctively knew where all their players were. There first touch was sublime, and they his so many across field balls to the feet of the other players, I don't think the royal artillery could have done better.

They had so many tricks to pass defenders and bounced off tackles as if they were made of rubber.

However, Canada scored first! It was a screamer, right into the top right hand corner. The Canadian keeper had no chance. No you didn't misread. It was possibly the finest own goal I have ever seen.

To make matters worse, Brazil then scored one of their own. It was a very well taken effort, crafted from some lightening counter attacking.

Don't despair Canada. The Canadians then scored one of their own. In the other sides net. In my humble, but no less expert opinion, it was the best goal of the night.

This started a some sort of renaissance for the Canadians. The started a sustained period of pressure on the Brazilian goal. Too wary of the counter attack, they were loathed to bring more men forward, which was a shame, because the Canadians really didn't threaten.

GOALFLASH: The Canadians score again to make it 3-1 Brazil. Again, you're not misreading. This time a Canadian defender back heeled the ball into the net. I saw the replay on the TV and was just amazed at how he could have done that.

It could have been worse. The Canadian keeper pulled off the save of the night, to defy a flying header from a Canadian defender. It was at this point I started taking pictures of the scenery.

Nice mountain in the background don't you think

So the final score was three one. We all agreed it was very entertaining and jolly good fun. As we didn't have time to eat before hand we all went to Darby's for a bite to eat and a beer. As you can see, only Liz wanted to be in the photo with George Lucas. Holy Pants.... That's ME!

Mean Moody And Magnificent!

2006-05-21T14:03:00.000-07:00

Just three words that describe me in that last week or so

Hello fans, it's been a while I know and I'm sorry for that. Because it has been a while since my last post, it seems that every other wannabe blogger has covered events of the last few weeks in such great detail, that there is no point in trying to mow over old ground. So I will try not too. So I thought I'd just post a few photos, of events that I rememberd to take my camera too and made me think.... Hummmmm!

Mean and moody Vancouver before the sun came. The camera didn't do it justice. We are on the coast of the Pacific along English Bay. I couldn't help but admire is majesty.
The water is so sofe and clear. I know, I have swam in it numerous times. I loved the drama of the cloud covered hills in the background
We also have pointless pylon "art" in Stratford too. Mind you, if I lookd through the sculpture in Stratford, all I saw was my old office. SO LONG BROADWAY HOUSE!
Here we are now at Ian's Birthday. Although it was meant to be Ian's evening, all the camera lenses seem to have been pointed at Paul all evening. He was magnetic that nightSee what I mean!
Gav and Liz, strangely, this slightly blury image is how I remembered them that night. Cute Couple.
Oh yea, it was Ians birthday. so here's the BIRTHDAY BOY!
BUNACS Golden couple. We'll I look pretty golden. Laura is more of a redish pink.
Couple more drinks Alan and this could have been your Taxi fare home. Just Kidding! Al and Janine. She was our one token Canadian for the evening.

Simon! Turned up late, but more than made up for it with a Herculean drinking performance. Simon loves Bush!
Next day!! Beach time and Kite flying. Laura getting hersekf mentally prepared for the challanges ahead.
Jade had bought Ian a very nifty stunt kite for his birthday. Ian stuck his index finger in his mouth and then in the air, and cried "It's time to Fly!"
After an 'experimental' start the Popester, showed just how kite flying could be sexy as well as just plain fun.
I myself dabbled, and created a short flight piece to the Chariots of Fire theme tune. Hundreds gathered in awe to watch.
As you can see, the crowds made space when Laura had a go. See also was pretty nifty. More importantly, we finally found something that Paul isn't any good at!

The last work goes to Ian, and his kite flying magesty. He's taking it out again today, so if I'm lucky I'll get another go. Yippeee!

Love to all. XXX

Hello Again!

2006-05-16T14:53:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the lack of interesting posts recently. I have been a bit busy being busy and doing interesting things. I will try and put some photos up soon.

These will involve, Ian's birthday, The Whitecaps, kite flying and hopefully some sailing news!

Apologies once again, devoted fans (Banksy).

Football again tonight. I'll try to avoid controversy this week, by not accidentally smacking into any Canadians, on one of my long ball charges. I thought I'd knocked the fellow out last week. Fortunately he's a bit of a wimp and rolled around a lot in feign agony.

Until then dear readers! x

URGENT: FOOTBALL TICKETS!

2006-05-12T10:21:00.000-07:00

UURGENT!

I have managed to book half priced tickets through work, to the Whitecaps this weekend! $16 each and all in the Grandstand. This is partly my present to Ian to attandance is appreciated

I have 6 up for grabs.

I have also booked 7 Tickets for Canada U-21 v's Brazil U-21(one of Brazils warm up games for the world cup) on the 25th May. Grandstand again $30.

Please leave me a comment if you want to come to either game or both, so I can reserve you a ticket.

I have paid for the lot so please come alone!!!

Cheers,

Andy

She's a Bad Influence On Me!

2006-05-08T11:03:00.000-07:00

But why? (he knows what I mean)

In other news, I have been asked to Crew on a work mates racing boat on Thursday. I would really love to do it, but I have my pre-booked guitar lessons which I can't change. Thats a real pain.

Oh, and if people have been onto Ian's blog (god knows why you'd want to. Happy Birthday for tomorrow by the way) seen that pic of me looking scarily thin, don't worry. I am still at least 15 stones. The jug was just covering my beer belly.

I don't care much for Mondays. I always feel like my weekend has been robbed away from me, just as it was getting going.

I think I speak for many of the Bunacers when I say, "we think need a holiday"! Before my parent's shout "you're on a bloody holiday", I can safely say most of us work harder here than we ever did at home.

TTFN

Happy Birthday Lydia

2006-05-04T14:54:00.000-07:00

My tallest little Sister will be Sweet 16 on May 5th (all day) Many congratulations. Still 1 year off driving and 2 off drinking, but you can now buy lottery tickets!

If you do manage to break the family jinks and actually win something, remember your poor improverished brother across the Atlantic.

Happy Birthday!

Simon: Sunderland Fan

2006-05-04T14:19:00.000-07:00

Certainly was Si.

Good game against "all to play for" Fulham today, as Paul rightly pointed out.

Big welcome to Mrs Farthing and Mrs Liz (Barrat, or somethng like that) who will become the latest Bunacers to join our merry band at the weekend.

Love to all.

Mr Bull (jnr).

Ready to hit the Hit Parade!

2006-04-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

You'll all be no doubt extactic to hear that I have just put the finishing touches to my First (of many) number 1 smash hits.

For the first time ever, I have broken the intro barrier, into full songdom. The poetic lyrics are semi autobiographical. "Moving On" is about a handsome young hero, spurned and traped in a seemingly unending cycle of misery and dispair, only through courage and Herculean will power, to arise a new improved version of his already handsome and heroic self.

It's pure bloody dynomite!

I won't do what I did last time and put the lyrics on the blog as HANNAH will only shoot my fragile confidence down in flames once again. And that would be a great loss to the musical world.

In other news (which pales into insignificance) It was Gavins (or was it the alternative Gavin's) birthday last night. We went to the Yuk Yuk comedy night. Although it was amature night, I thought the standard of the comedy was excellent. Even better, was the $5 price tag attached to the enterance ticket.

Work is fine. They are giving me money for voting an agreement not to strike (which I forgot vote for). For you Londoners reading, the bonus wouldn't probably buy you lunch, but here it means I get to live in my apartment for the next few months. Also I can now afford to buy a pair of jeans without a whole in the crotch. Ian and me will so be living in a "two pair household". How exciting!!! It should at least get me invitied to more Parties.

For the lowdown on what was a classic St Georges Day, please visit the blog of King Banks (the link to which is on your right)

Nothing much else to report on Walton Mountain. Better go back and do some work!

Love to all!

Andy

Blast from the past!

2006-04-21T15:09:00.000-07:00

Clever old Ian has found a button on yahoo that lets you access all the photos that have been e-mailed to you. Ian thought that he had about 250 pics hiding in his inbox somewhere. He's already found some good ones and will put them on his blog as time goes on.

I simularly went throught my inbox and had a look at the photos. I only have about 150 pics, of which only 2 are fit for human consumption (you Jolly boys were into some strange stuff)

So without much further a doo here they are!

Ian and my good self at one of our working breakfasts. You can tell it was breakfast as there is a bottle of tomato ketchup is in the table. If you are a little concerned as to why Ian looks a tad bemused, it's because he'd forgotten about the meeting and had a few "Eye-openers" before work. Ahh, those were strange times!

Me and my first guitar at Pete's studio. A Yamaha F-310. I would throughly recomend it as a first guitar. It has a few chips and knocks now, and it's nowhere near as good as my new one, but I kind of miss the old girl. I just hope that I can play with it when I get home. I'm guessing my sister has prabably pawned it alredy to buy some magic beans or somethinf. Poor thing!

PS. See, I was thin once!!!

Happy Easter!

2006-04-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

(Andy the treasure hunter)

Ahhh, at last a long weekend to rest up relax play the guitar and get rained on! Work is good. It looks as though I am going to be kept on for a fair while where I am, even if I don't get this job that requires 45 wpm. I am far to valuable in the field of production, making binders and doing a random selection of other no-brainer work.

The sun is now finally out and so life is good once again. Today is Easter Sunday. I went to Church on Easter Sunday for the first time ever. We played jeopardy!!!

I then went to the music shop to try out one of the new silent travel guitars Yamaha have built. Very good I have to say. Back to the Batcave! Laura starts cooking me lunch. And I thought miracles only ever happen at Christmas!

I then sat watching telly as Laura went into my room and made a few phone calls home. She returned 20 minutes later and asked "Andrew, can you come in here, we need to talk!" Oh heck, I thought, I have heard this one before. In my experience "talking" is in fact being told "we're through!"

As I came in she smiled and said " I have hidden 18 easter eggs all over your room and here's a basket to put them in when you find them" How sweet and easter egg hunt! I hope she didn't find the well worn copy of Playboy under my bed. I only get it because it's got the closest crossword to The Times cryptic, this side of the atlantic. Honest mum!

I found all 18. She's a cunning one that Laura, but very sweet!!!

Well, not much more to report. Laura says hi, and a big congrats to Helen, Greg and Baby Benjamin. I'm an Uncle................ of sorts! It's wonderful news.

Love to all,

Andy

All Fingers and Thumbs

2006-04-11T10:58:00.000-07:00

I have been in Canada over 6 months now. Immigration tried not to let me in after I came back from the USA, but with a mixture of charm, smooth talking, and some evasive running that Jona Lomu would have been proud of, I made it back.

It's at times like these, that one starts to look back and reflect upon what has been, and that the same time focus forward onto what will be.

I have only set myself two goals since being in Canada. The first was to become the greatest jazz, folk and blues guitarist the world has ever seen (rock is for kids). This is a work in progress!

(My tools: L: S&P accoustic R: 3/4 classical)

The second, is to get my typing speed up to 45 words per minute, so that I can further my working relationship with WorksafeBC. The people here really want me to get my speed up so I can stay. They have even lent me one of the company laptops loaded with a typing programme for me to practice on at home!

Well then how's it going? I hear you cry.

Mixed bag I’m afraid to report. Although becoming the worlds greatest jazz, folk and blues guitarist the world has ever seen, is still some decades of constant practice, a hand and brain transplant away, my lessons with Dave are already bearing fruit. He has that special balance that really helps the improving guitarist. He didn't shatter my fragile confidence when he asked me to play for him. Nevertheless, he has certainly shown me plenty of areas for improvement.

My typing on the other hand; Oh heck. Learning to touch type is not easy when your used to the Tony Blair, two finger method. I am starting from scratch and it is a slow process. For example. I started this post last Tuesday!

(Me demonstrating my current typing technique)

Still, I have another week and a half to practice, and I'm so close to the 40 wpm right now. A bit of extra grit and determination and I may just get there. Either that or I get Laura to dress in my clothes, give her a false moustache and let her take it for me. She's up in the 90's somewhere. Show - off!

I'd ask Ian but he's in the same boat I am. We're so alike sometimes it's frightening!

Love to all,

Andy

Snooze Helmet for a safer BC!

2006-03-31T14:37:00.000-08:00

Naturally, we all spring into work in the mornings full of vigor and enthusiasm, making it our days mission to keep BC safe! (see pic 1)

(Pic 1: Me, ready to work for a safer BC!)

However, sadly, after a long rambling lunch following an evening where you may have had half a glass to much red wine, we are not always at our best. If a doctor were present, they would undoubtedly prescribe a snooze.

Senior Managers, versed in 20th Century management techniques, may not yet be aware of the long term health and output benefits of snoozing.

Therefore, may I present my latest invention (see Pic 2). For the bargain price of $200 you to can own a snooze helmet, individually crafted for the wearer, faultlessly assimilating your natural features, to project a happy and alert visage for the boss, while you are taking a quick power nap and keeping BC safe.

(Pic 2: Am I awake, or am I asleep? Its impossible to tell with uncanny detailing of the Snooze Helmet)

Everyone's a winner with Bulls "Snooze Helmet".

Order now, Make cheques payable to CASH.

Andy the Gr8!!!

2006-03-29T11:08:00.000-08:00

You may have guessed from my egotistical title that I finally did something good! More familiar readers will also know that it was 5-aside football last night. I usually average around 3 goals per game, once I got four. I'm usually lagging somewhat behind King Banks, but I take heart that I never actually know what team keenie is playing for.

Last night only 15 people turned up which meant we could only muster 3 teams. This in turn meant that we would play 14 mins on and 7 mins off. Over the coures of 2 1/2 hours we managed to play 12 games.

The more you play the more chance to score, plus the opposition get tired. This coupled with a tiny bit of skill and a lot of huff and puff contributed to my goal tally of 8 last night.

King Banks maintained his usual standard of play making and dribbling excellence, setting up a number of my 3in tap ins, and Keenie was heroic in defence. Keenie even scored twice, one of those was in the opposition net. Classic Keenie!

We only lost two games to my memory. Afterwards many ambuli were called to deal with the exhaused ex-pat footballing community as we were all in the later stages of dehydration.

On my return home I found British Hannah there. Welcome Hannah from the motherland! She brought proper chocolate, todays newspapers and proper sized bottles of Newcastle Brown Ale. What a star!

From Cockney to Cowboy!

2006-03-18T10:39:00.000-08:00

Howdy Ya'll

I'm Back. Miss me? Of course you did! Straight to business.

Last week I went with Laura back to her hometown of Roswell, New Mexico, via Texas to meet some more of the Zuber clan, and what seemed like the rest of Roswell (seriously, the Zubers know everyone in that town). I was a little nervous about staying with her family and meeting her father Colonel Kenny Zuber for the first time. I wondered what they would make of the foreigner dating their only daughter. I'll start from the beginning. Meet R. Dub. He's a Texan through and through. It was with him and his girlfriend (Laura's old roomate), that we stayed with in Lubbock Texas on our first night. As I got off the plane in my ski jacket, I noticed the tempreature outside was a mild 88 degrees. I soon dispensed with the layers I had become accustomed to wearing in Vancouver.

I wasn't quite sure of what to make of R. Dub when I met him. He seemed very friendly, but I think we were a little cautious of eachother at first. Until that is, I learned of his love of home brewing. The pic shows, R. Dub with his beer taps (root beer on the right for pre 9am drinking). Needless to say we both ended up getting plastered drinking his 7.7% Winterfest ale. Arm in arm, we went to visit some of his friends down the hall. Later on I gave him my concidered opinion of some of the fine British ales he will soon experience when he comes to Britain.

Next morning, we both wake up hungover, go to play shuffleboard, and he asks me "Andy, do you smoke Cigars". I had to reply in the negative, but R. Dub, what a guy!

Laura soon dragged me away from my new best friend. She took me on a tour of the Texas Tech campus where she was a student. It's the largest campus Uni in the States. It was vast. The most interesting thing was comparing it to British Universtites.
NO BARS! Texas Tech is in the buckle of the bible belt, and drinking is over 21's. All the students get to go is play sports and study hard. What a waste of an education! Seriously, that facilities put British uni's to shame. Howver this does come at quite a hefty financial cost to the students. To study here is not cheap.

Later that day Kelly (Laura's youngest brother) came to pick us up and drive us the 200 miles back to Roswell. He was with a family friend Ryan, a US marine. I was surrounded by these two huge slightly scary looking fellas wondering how I was going to make it through the next week. I was too afriad to even make eye contact with poor Laura, just in case I got jumped on.

Happily, Kelly was an absolute charmer. The next day while Laura went to the dentist, Kelly took me Golfing. This photo illustrates the only straight driving I managed that day.
Kelly playing a shot up to the green. No it's not a bunker, it's just how dry New Mexico is at the moment.
Sadly more style than substance. I think my handycap is lurking dangerously near the three figure mark. Kelly thrashed me, but had the patience and good nature to forge my scorecard so it didn't look to bad.
Next day Laura drove me to the Carlsbad Caverns. It was here that Laura and me bacame proud parents of our adopted bat called Pinky. We sat Mum and Dad down to tell them the joyous news, but they only seemed happy when we told then it was just a bat. What else were they thinking I wonder!

The view from the Caverns car park. Absolutely stunning.
The Caverns themselves, aare the most spectacular I have ever seen. They were beautiful and dramatic. I know none of you will appreciate that so I took a photo of one that looked like a boob!

Laura and me out by the lakes

The lakes and the dam. This is where Laura ans her family learned to water ski, on THEIR boat! How cool is that

Be warned! Not all roads lead to Rome.

Meet the Colonel. After showing me the stuffed heads of the animals he has shot, he showed me how he did it! Perhaps a subtle warning not to get too close to his daughter. Big boys toys! Great fun.
Welcome to White Sands (guess why it's called that?). This had been created by gypsum rubbing together to create a brilliant white sand. It is the largest gypsum sand plane in the world. The dunes form a dramatic and phenomenally beautiful landscape.
So what do you do with it? Get a sled and slide down the dunes on your bum, thats what!
Laura and me on the dunes
Me attempting to snowboard down the dunes
Daniel (Laura's middle Bro), indulging in the new sport of running off a dune jumping and seeing how far you can fall. 6.0 for artistic impression.
Back in Roswell, with the Colonel in Millitary uniform with his most prized possession (even more so than the Oryx head)
Roswell, being the home of the alien landing some 55 years ago has a little museum and research centre for people who are curious as to what really happened at area 51. But and area as pretty as Roswell wouldn't play on the aliens to drag in the tourists would they??? A spaceship shaped Macdonnalds
The street lighting is out of this world (I also get Paul to write my Jokes for me)
On our last day Daniel, Laura and me went out to the lakes to take in some of the Big Country and enjoy the sunset.
Views of the craigs
Laura and Daniel lookign cool, calm and collected
Looks like something out of Pride and Prejudice. A wind swept LauraOn out Last night I was treated to another Zuber tradition. Earlier in the week, we had a fish fry where the Colonel frys up all the fish he has caught in a light batter. It's so good even Laura let's her vegetarian crown slip a little for this one. This though id the famous wiener roast.

Basically you roast cook your hot dogs over an open fire and have it with Chilli and baked beans. Nancy (Mrs Zuber) cooks the most wonderful baked beans in a tomato sauce with a little onion and brown sugar. They were fantastic.

Laura and me also went into Laura's mums school to do a presentation about the UK and Canada for her class of 10-11 year olds. The children seemed to like my presentation. My favourite question I was asked was "are the guards at Buckingham palace allowed to blink?"

I was sad to leave the Zuber house hold. They had made me feel so welcome. The Colonel had even given me one of his flick knives to take home as a momento. Nancy also gave me some new PJ's to take back with me. I got them both a little something to say thanks for having me, but it was a small token for what was a big thanks.

I had a really fantastic time. I enjoyed meeting all these new people (some of whom though I came down to ask for the Colonel's permission to marry Laura. Small towns!) and it helped me to learn about Laura a little more which is all good!

I wondered if the trip had any affect on me. I love the big country it's people and it's ways. I have always secretly wanted to be a Cowboy too. Nevertheless, I think I'll always be me and I'll never really change.

So Goodnight Ya'll and DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS! YEEEE HAAAWWW!

Ol' Man Bully is back in town

2006-03-16T15:01:00.000-08:00

Since Ian, who is actually 14 months older than me, has given me a new nic-name I thought I'd use it to announce my return to Vancouver .

I'm back!

Moving swiftly on, I had a really great time and Laura is still speaking to me. So in conclusion, the trip was an out and out success!

I'll try and post some of the pics I took over the weekend for your viewing pleasure.

Stay tuned.

Your ever faithfull servant,

Ol' Man Bully.

Ben Lee and the 'Night of a 1000 Riffs'

2006-03-04T17:14:00.000-08:00

Bonjour.

I must warn you that because I will be in Texas and New Mexico next week, I probably won't be able to write any posts. I'll hopefully be too busy relaxing and enjoying myself. Nevertheless, I will be making full use of my camera so expect a full report once I return.

Wednesday night Ben Lee was back in town strutting his unique brand of antipodean stuff. Ian had raved about his performance last time. Trusting Ian's taste implicitly, I parted with 20 hard earned dollars and went to Richard on Richards.

For those Vancouverites who have yet to visit Richard I would seriously recommend going. It's a big arena, but seems to remain quite cozy. Very cool.

I quite liked Ben Lee and his blend of soft jovial songs. I did find him a little same-y towards the end, but I was pleased that Ian had bought his CD he was flogging. Not only for the amusing comment left on the back cover from Ben himself, but for some of the rhythmic tunes that are still buzzing around my head.

Thursday night was a bit of a treat of me. Robert James works with Laura at the party Bizarre, but is also a professional musician. He's been with a top 40 band for the last 8 years and is now working on some solo projects. I have put a link to his website under my music section.

Being a kind chap, he invited Laura and me around for a jam and play on his fab guitars. I have never really jammed before, and I really enjoyed it. I felt I learned quite a bit too. Below, in reverse order are us on 'The Night of a 1000 Riffs'.

Our host on a miniature Taylor
The Uber one on his signature frontman hybrid
Me, showing the professionals how it's done.
Me looking strangely over weight (don't panic Mum) on an Ovation electro acoustic.
Laura looking cute in my fleece (I'm never going to get that back) after playing 'The First Cut is the Deepest'.
Robert, picking away to one of his own tunes. What a cool flat!
Me making sweet music with a classic 1976 (I think) Washburn.

What was even cooler is that Robert asked if I played many cafe's or bars. I'm sure he was just being nice, but I felt I was playing ok. I felt great afterwards. I'm like a 10 year old with a new toy.

I also got to play a mandolin for the first time, and the banjo. I have picked up a banjo before, but didn't really have a clue how to play it. I still don't but at least I now knew that this one was tuned to an open G!!! I think, I'm going to have to go elecrtic soon.

Thanks for indulging me with my hobby.

So, that it folks for a bit. I'm off to meet the Colonel and other members of the Zuber family and friends in New Mexico next week. I'll post a full report when I get back.

Until then,

Andy

30 second Update

2006-03-01T11:17:00.000-08:00

Apologies for the lack of posts recently. This will change when I get some time off of work to:

a. Post photo's on the blog

b. to have actually done something noteworthy enough to maintain the high standard of high jinx upon this blog.

Last night was football night. The blacks were down to just King Banks and myself. This was due to Keenie being called up by Sven on his rotation system for tonight's friendly, and Chris disappearing somewhere for something!!!

King Banks and I joined up with a Canadian called Mat, Jesper and Tom. To be fair, we out battled the opposition. Even the dastardly whites only beat us once in 4 attempts. Our favorite player Raj, was submitted to a heavy barrage of fowls', mainly by me and King Banks, because he's a twit. Things got a bit physical.

After the King hit a deflected shot off Raj for a superbly taken 'Own Goal', I scored to hammer the final nail in the coffin. Raj refused to play with us anymore and ran off to play with the reds, swearing at himself. It's the first time I have ever agreed with him.

Raj is the best player and it's his fault for winding us up, so don't you dare feel sorry for him.

Coach was also present. Paul game up with he Coaches Drinking game. You see the coach isn't really a coach. He's a guy that just sort of took charge, but always shouts encouragement to his team .....in Canadian.

"find your legs boys"
"great upper body assist" (Header)
"great back up" (Counter attack)
"Line" (Square)
"Square" (Line)

Are all worth 2 fingers if shouted during the game. If he scores you have to down your drink!

Other rules to be made up on the spot by King Banks or myself, due to the spontaneity of the man. I miss coach when he isn't there.

Be back soon!

£40million pound bank robbery, Kent.

2006-02-24T15:05:00.000-08:00

Police believe it to be the work of thieves. The whole pattern is extremely reminiscent of past robberies where they have found thieves to be involved - the tell tale loss of property, the snatching away of the money substances. It all points to thieves.

B. Tutt (PCAS).

All Things considered

2006-02-21T14:49:00.000-08:00

I'm off for a holiday to New Mexico in a couple of weeks. This got me thinking that I have been in Canada nearly 5 months already. It's gone so fast, I can't imagine the next 7 months going any slower.

I am pretty settled in Vancouver. I love the batcave. Living with Ian has proved as harmonious as I could have possibly hoped for (wait for the ear bashing that been brewing in him when I get home) and I'm surrounded by people who like to give new things a try. Instead of ideas being shunned on the perception of 'Being Sad', even slightly crazy ideas such as the roadtrip are met with "I'm in" and to quote the title of Simons Blog "Why Not?".

Part of me thinks this s because we're in a foreign country and therefore only have a limited time to try all these new things, we are more inclined to take a few more risks. But what harm has it done us. NONE! And I don't think it will. We're not stupid. Just open minded and enthused
So why stop when we get home? We'll even be in a better financial state to do things there? It's easier to get built into a routine at home, but we are blessed with lost of things to do, especially if you live in London.

We have the opportunity to start anew when we get back to Britain and I'll relish that challenge when it comes. Nevertheless, we still have 7 glorious months of warmer sunny weather to look forward to here before we go back. So lets start as we mean to go on, because I honestly don't think I've ever been happier.

Thanks everyone! (especially Ian and Laura for putting up with me beyond the call of duty)

Cheers,

Andy

Happy Valentines Day Everyone. From the Hoff

2006-02-14T15:04:00.000-08:00

I have completely ripped this off a freinds blog, but my justification is that the Hoff belongs to everyone!!

Quick!! Get your factor 30!! The sun is here

2006-02-12T16:19:00.000-08:00

Ladies and Gentlemen. Firstly, I would like to thank all of you who have voted for my blog in Si's best Bunacers blog competition. It means a lot to me and I am still ahead of Ian (There have been charges laid against me that I am a Multiple voter and a terrible guitar player. Fear not dear reader, there is not a grain of truth to these libelous accusations. I am merely a developing guitarist)

On Saturday I decided to take myself off for a haircut. As I stepped outside of the batcave, I had trouble seeing. I couldn't work it out. I ran back inside and shook Ian out of his alcohol induced coma. His wise old hurting head pointed out that this was in fact sunshine. It had been so slong since I had seen any that I dropped my book and bus pass and grabbed my camera. As I walked to the barbers, and then onto North Vancouver where we met up with Si and Gav, I took a pictorial record of this 'sunshine'. Just incase I didn't see it again for a few months.

Welcome to Kitsilano!

This is Kits beach. It's a beautiful walk at any time, but when the sun comes out it's glorious. Summer here is going to be fantastic. Look at the mountains in the background. Oh how I miss Ilford.

Downtown as seen from the Burrard Bridge

Again from Burrard bridge. This view looks out towards the coves of English Bay. Next stop Japan!

The houses here are often smartly painted. They are all protected buildings and therefore have to be maintained by law. They probably date from about 1910 -20. It reminds me of San Francisco a bit.
The Vanouver Club, for the more discerning members of Vanouverite society. Ian and I are of course members, but don't tell the others, it only causes jealousy.
In the afternoon we took the ferry over to North Vancouver. The best thing about North Vancouver is the view back to downtown & the Q hotel which has a giant revolving Q (as seen above) which is very large. However it also possesses some remarkably good charity stores which we ransacked yesterday. Ian gave and Si bought anybody 30 Cassette tapes of 80's classics (we don't even have a tape player), American Monopoly and Canadian Trivial pursuit, which we played last night. We were pretty crap to be honest, but we made the best of it and had a good laughed. Ian even put on some of my Jazz CD's. Could it be possible that I have fallen into fashion???
The View back to Vancouver from the Q hotel.

Gavin won the Trivial pursuit. I think he had an unfair advantage as he was the only person alive in the 1970's. The version of the game we bought in the shop was the 1981 genius edition. Poor Chris at 21 had not a chance bless him. Keenie was the surprise package. He knew a lot of the answers to the questions, especially the ones he was asking (Suspicious!!!)

Righty Ho, must shoot off. I have some business to attend to. I would read through and spell check, but you're only going to look at the pictures aren't you!!!!!

Love to all,

Andy xxx

All hail the power of the Blog!

2006-02-07T14:51:00.000-08:00

Laura was walking back up Davie on her way home/out and stumbled into Paul 'Banksy' Banks (origional). Mrs Banks, who is currently in Vancouver to open the newest wing of the Paul Banks residence cried out in shrieks of excitement "that's Laura, Andy's Girlfriend!"

It just goes to show that those of you lucky enough to be mentioned on my blog can look forward to fame and fortune. Manifestly, go to Simons Blog and vote mine as the best of the Bunacers (even though Ian's is clearly better) so I can claim the star prize.

I look forward to munching on my mars bar winnings!!!

In other news: everything else is fine. That flat is looking quite tidy.

Thanks very much,

Andy

Hey!! We're off to New Mexico!!

2006-02-06T14:53:00.000-08:00

Yes, it's true. Laura is taking me home! Don't worry, not to keep, just to borrow. I have left Ian with food in the fridge and the Video Club membership card, so he'll be well looked after.

I'm going on March 7th and returning on 15th. I'll finally have something exciting and worthwhile news to challenge the growing number of young upstarts who have created their own blogs and are challenging the supremacy of the Old Guard, of which I count myself.

Mr and Mrs Banks are in town!! How exciting. Mrs Banks, being a devoted fan of nextquestion is obviously a woman of sound judgment, sophistication and taste. I am looking forward to meeting them both, if Paul can fit Ian and myself in during their busy schedule.

Other news: The sun came out yesterday. Many Vancouverites ran about screaming thinking the world was at an end. Ian and me, sensibly waited until after dark to go out for a walk. All those UV ultra-violent rays could seriously damage skin that hasn't seen the sun since 2005.

Oh last thing! We had a video night on saturday and watched Casablanca. It was very cool. Ian and I had to set the scene a bit, telling Jade, Hannah, the South African (I think her name is Gilly??) and Laura, the fact that their was a big war a long time ago and it made people very sad and they had to move house!

Once the scene was set the film made a lot more sense. We all had a great night. Must do it again soon.

TTFN!

Happy New Year (of the Dog)

2006-01-30T17:49:00.000-08:00

Hello dear reader,

It's been too long I know. However as a faithful servant to my public, I have nipped into the internet cafe after work to share in the Chinese New year revelry.

We were first attracted to the New Years parade because it was free to go to and our rent is due at the end of the week. Despite the perma-rain and grey sky's, we ventured down to Chinatown and were quite taken aback at the size of the crowd

(the entrance gate to Chinatown and the back of the parade)

(Ian getting in the way of another perfectly good picture)

There was a real vibrancy to the celebrations and lots of colour to brighten up the gloomy sky.

As I mentioned it was packed and I nearly lost Paul, Ian, Andrew and Laura in the rush. You really wouldn't have thought that this was right next to one of the roughest areas of Vancouver

There were also some scary dragons about. It really was very impressive.

As you can probably tell, I like the Dragons.

This is the Band that I want as my wedding. They were all dressed as dogs and played funky Jazz. Good stuff. I think the saxophonist nearly drowned from the rain though.

The parade lasted probably about an hour in total, which was just enough. Even Laura said she enjoyed it, although the poor thing was shivering throughout.

In other news, my work placement has been extended until the end of February which is very good news, as I have exactly $8 to last me the rest of the week (don't panic mum, I have bought my bus pass and paid my rent ($600 in one hit) and put some food money away). I faxed my timesheet 41 times today just in case.

I'm still playing 5-a-side football. Although one twit did try to break my left leg last week. He seemed to come off quite badly too so all seems fair and even. Should be able to play again tomorrow to support the mighty Banksy!

Until we meet again dear readers.

Andy xxx

Uber Zuber!

2006-01-21T16:21:00.000-08:00

I have just received an e-mail from the other Laura in my life. My sister e-mailed me to say hi, which was very nice. She only wrote a small paragraph, but in that were no less than three references to the other Laura in my life. So here is a small lo-down the the Woman who has taken on the mighty challenge of going out with Me!!

Those on the north American circuit will already know of the fast emerging talent of a young female pool player from New Mexico, but those of you back in Europe may not. She is quite a nifty little player and has this nasty habit of beating me regularly. This is a still from her upcoming instructional DVD, titled "Hustle... It's a girl thing!"

(my crayon hat modeled by yours truly)

Her skill doesn't just end there. For those dedicated readers amongst you will know, I lost the hat to my infamous crayon costume after Halloween. Vowing that I will get married in that costume, Laura matched the material, looked at an old file photo and whipped me up an exact replica so that I can now have my dream wedding. Thanks Laura.

I can tell you the stiching that has gone into it is first class. When I'm not wearing it for ceremonial occasions, I have is on display at the Vancouver Museum if anyone is interested.

She's intelligent, funny,

Beautiful, caring

And best of all... Mine.

I hope that answers all your questions Sis. I hope Laura isn't too cross I've done this. Finally does anyone know how best to get a green card?

Interesting week!

2006-01-21T15:43:00.000-08:00

Paddington Bear, perched on the TV looking on! (kindly donated by Mel as a going away present)

Working full time has it's upsides and it's downside. I don't mind my job in the least. It gets me out and I have met a lot more interesting and very friendly people. It also helps pay for my extravagant lifestyle. The problem is it does take up a lot of our time.

I was stood at the bus stop with Ian this morning on our way to do some unrecognized charity work, when asked what we had actually done this week?

The answer was surprisingly more that we had thought.

On Monday I went out with Laura to shoot some pool and got beaten!!! AGAIN!!! I really should stop putting $100 a frame on these games. Laura's off on a well earned holiday to Hawaii next week.

On Tuesday, The Bunac gang went back to play 5 a side football. We went to take on the Canadians but found that it's almost exclusively ex-pats that play. I counted 6 Canadians, 1 Spanish girl, 1 Swede send 16 Brits. Still it was great fun this week, and I even managed to score a hatrick. The second was the best of the night, shimmy and then shot past the keeper on his left. Afterwards we all went to Darby's for a quick drink. They offer 2-4-1 pitchers for all sports teams, we took full advantage of that. So much so that the story of my two other goals that night matched the skill level of my good goal.

On Wednesday Ian and me went to a lecture at the university about the secret meeting between Roosevelt and Churchill at the White House, Christmas 1941. It didn't really go into much detail. They were more interested in talking about Churchills strange habits. Still, it was good fun, and nice and light for a Wednesday evening. Plus it was free!! So the price was right.

Thursday, Ian abandoned me to go to see some crappy old films, so I went with by biggest sulk face on, over to Laura's who cooked me dinner and looked after me in Ian's absence. We had a fun night.

Last night was Friday so we went to the Regal Beagle bar and then upstairs (2 new firsts) to the cabaret for some dancing and good times. It was cheap in there and nearly all of us were out. It felt like the old days when we first arrived. When we were young and carefree, no jobs and no clue!

Who am I kidding, we were never like that!

The Bunac gang at the cabaret

Ian doing his impression of a man who can't dance

It's Jades Birthday tonight so we're off out for a meal and a glass of Ribena. So all in all it's been a busy fun packed week. Tomorrow night is of course Sunday. As is slowly becoming tradition, Ian and I will stay in and have a well deserved night off.

Ian and I enjoying a rare night in the Batcave. This was when the beard was still in the George Michael stage. (is it me or do I look the tiniest bit like my Uncle David in this photo? It's the cheek bones)

Beard!

2006-01-21T15:12:00.000-08:00

Almost every year I get it into my head that I should prove my manliness. Not by my actions, words or general demure, but by trying to grow a beard!

This years attempt went a little better than last year. There are two main reasons for this. Firstly I took the period off between Christmas and New Year to try and get it established, and secondly my Mum is 5000 miles away so I can't hear her scream to me to:

"SHAVE... You scruffy devil. I didn't raise you like this!!!"

So I gave it a chance this year. Sadly all good things come to an end, it had to come off. Why I hear you cry. Because it's flipping itchy that's why!!!

But just before I did, I got Ian (the official beard photographer) to take a couple of snaps for you to laugh at.

Strangely, when I went back to work the next day, the ladies there were horrified. I should have consulted them first apparently. I was a bit of a catch avec beard, but being English I would have been dropped (cricket joke for those of you who needed help).

Muchos love. Bully xxx

Ian's trademark, up the nose shot.

This photo scares me a little. I think I've spent to long in the batcave.

After 10 minutes hacking away at the fuzz, I was carted away to hospital to help recover some of the blood loss associated with beard hacking. I would just like to thank the plastic surgeon who re-constructed my face. I think I look almost normal again.

Normal service will be resumed eventually

2006-01-18T08:16:00.000-08:00

The problem with my new job, is that I have no access to the internet. This meant that my e-mails were left unchecked for nearly a week (That one unread message about handling a bank transfere from the account of an overthrown African despot could have been my ticket out of here). It also means that I haven't had a chance to update my blog. So apologies for that, dedicated readers.

I have made a promise to myself that I will go this Saturday and update the blog, with tales and events from the past two weeks. These include: -

The Beard
5-A side football
Fine dining
Pool hustling
My new award show, The "Bullies"

Calm yourself good people, try not to get too excited. In my experience it only leads to huge dissapointment. Anyway, there's always Ian's blog?

TTFN.

Say Cheese!

2006-01-07T15:33:00.000-08:00

I was given my digital camera by my parents for my birthday last July. It was just what I wanted. I was going to use it to chronicle my adventures in this great country to show my parents and friends back at home, and for me to keep as a visual diary of my time here.

Therefore, I felt a bit of an idiot leaving my USB cable at home. As regular readers will know I have begged borrowed and stolen photos, from others (principally Ian) to furnish my blog thus far.

NOT ANY LONGER! Dad kindly agreed to pop the cable over for me when he was next passing through. Since he was here he decided to have a quick holiday.

Manifestly, and in no particular order, I would like to share a few photos I had taken but have yet to post.

So here are a few of my favorite things:

Here is a photograph with two of my favorite things in. One is sharp and sexy with sleek lines, fabulous figure and sings so sweetly. She's also Canadian. She's Simon & Patrick guitar!

At the helm the guitar, (playing a D) is the lovely Laura. For those you you who have been living in a cave, Laura is the brave soul who has been dating me for the last two months. I still have yet to capture a really good photo of her. She has some great ones, but to get them from her apartment lair, may take a raid too daring even for the 'Milk Tray' man.

Laura is from New Mexico, which is right next to the Old Mexico. This means she is from Southern USA. In order to prepare me for a possible upcoming visit to New Mexico, Laura bought me this Cowboy shirt to help me blend in with the locals. I am reliably informed this is how the kids are wearing their shirts these days. All I need to complete the ensemble, is a bright shiny belt buckle, hat and cowboy boots.

(Notice how now I'm wearing the shirt, I stay one step in front of the law!)

"What's happened to Ian?" I hear you cry. Don't panic. He's just fine. He's sitting a few seats down from me writing some nonsensical stuff on his blog. He's just been accepted as a permanent employee at UBC. Congratulations Ian! He'll have regular money coming in from now on. If may even feel flush enough to buy me a drink one day. (Hey, I can dream can't I?)

This is one of my favorite photos I took of Ian. It was taken at the now legendary Essex v's Australia Cricket match in the summer. I thought Ian looked focused on the future, looking ahead to Canada and the challenge. When someone shouted STREAKER!!! From the box behind I realised where the intensity of the stare emanated.

At last a photo that better represents the scale of the Capilano Rope Bridge. Dad and me got 20% off as a rainy day discount.

Dad negotiating the 20% discount with one of the more grizzly members of the RCMP.

Mr. Whitbread. I saw this and thought of you.

Lastly, probably my best pic. English Bay (the scene of our polar bear swim triumph) in warmer days. This was taken when we were still in the hostel. Pretty isn't it.

I other news, I am in employment once again. I am working for the Workers Compensation Board. It's easy enough so far and they keep telling me their really glad I could help out (again, I hope they know their paying me). This stint should last at least until the end of the month and possibly another 2 after that. Good Stuff!

I had better get on.

Bye for now,

Andy

Happy Christmas and New Year 2005/6

2006-01-03T14:51:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from Canada!

The Gang on Christmas Day. Hope everyone back home had a good one!

Christmas was a blast! Deb's took up the Herculean task of cooking Christmas dinner for us all. Things were not made easier by the oven deciding to pack up! Debs used all her reserves of female reserve to MAKE CHRISTMAS HAPPEN! I love that can do attitude. She then (with permission) broke into next doors house and used their oven to cook a fabulous Christmas lunch/dinner. Fun times were had by all! thank you Debs. PS can I have my plates back???

Our landlady then poped around to wish us a Merry Christmas and unburden us of our months rent!!! Easy come easy go! Just think what kind of capers I could get up too with all that lovely cash!

However, to the rescue comes Dad! Mr Bull snr came over on December 23rd, looking for thrills and excitement. Pleading with him that I'm his only son, he agreed to give me some of my inheritance early and took me with him on his adventures. Horrah!!!

In true James Bond style which has become a trait of the more recent Bull clan, we decided not to get the boring old ferry to Victoria. We took the SEA PLANE! It was very cool I have to say. Door to door virtually in 40 min.

The Emperess Hotel where afternoon is a must. However as I offerd to buy Dad lunch, we skipped the $30 sandwich whith the crusts cut off, and went to a little cafe which did us soup and a sandwich (with crusts) for 1/3 of the price.

Dad wanted some authentic Canadian culture on this trip, so we decided to go to the HOCKEY. The Canucks were on a bit of a loosing streak, but after being 2-0 down I decided to go and have a quick chat with the players. Having some knowledge Canadian Hockey Sports Psychology, I just tolod then to go out there and disfigure Nashville. Also if there was time, knock the puck into the opposition net. It worked and they won 4-3.

Next day, we are up and at 'em again. This time at the Capilano rope bridge. This is probably the worst photo I took of it, so why I put it here I don't know. The rope bridge is spectacular and the views are terrific. There is also a nature tree walk which was fun and quite informative.

Welcome to English Bay, January 1st 2006. The stage is set for the POLAR BEAR SWIM! For those of you who don't know what the Polar bear swim is, it is a race in which other people in strange costumes and equally few brain cells dive into the sea on New Years Day and go for a swim.

It was all Ian's crazy idea (why do I follow him so blindly), but I have to say he kept up the pretence of looking confident right until......

About NOW... This is were we got our starters orders to get undresed and get to the start line. Paul Banks, Ian and myself were freezing. Not only that we were running into the sea (which is even colder believe it or not). All three of us got to the beach and saw a gap. Upon Ian's cry we all charged into the sea to be hit with a cold that gave us an instant headache. I decided that if I was going in, i'd do it in style. so I dived straight in. I then submerged (a requirement in order to get your badge) surfaced to see that I had dived in a bit to far and that Paul and Ian were already running back towards the beach. I scrambled out as fast as I could.

Once out of the weter we actually felt quite warm as the sea had been so cold. You have to be wet to claim your badge so we stolled over and even had time toahve some photo's taken before we got dry.

I was the first one back proudly holding my membership to the Polar Bear Swim Club
Hero's each and every one! I should also mention that Mr Chris Ralph also took part but he was a bit late getting there and so we only caught up with him later. So Chris we salute you too.

Next Day Whisler. I haven't been skiing in while, so I thought I'd try and look radical with some funky shades (courtesy of the Daniel Zuber collection) and some 4 day old face fuzz (don't worry Hannah, once puberty strikes, it will really kick in!)

Technology has moved on a bit in the skiing world. The snow was fantastic but my ski's were superb (Salamom Scrambelers FYI). I glided throught the powder even on a couple of black runs (I have never really managed this feat before). My skis gave me confidence beyond my tallent, it was just perfect!!

Laura's Brother Daniel joined me on the slopes on a board. It was great to have someone to go with. He's also pretty nifty on that tray as well, so good times were had by all.

I am now looking for work to finance all this. My previous post came to an end just before Christmas (can't say I was displeased) but I could really do with some work on the Horizon so I can go out and do this again!

Sorry about the spelling Mum, but time is money.

Bye for now, Andy xxx

Ladies and Gents, Mr & Mrs Ralph

2005-12-22T10:44:00.000-08:00

I’m supposed to be working, but I have come over all Christmasy and so (combined with the fact that I just don’t care anymore) I have decided to give up working for a few minutes and would like to wish many congratulations to CHRIS and DEBS who have decided to have us over for Christmas. (Oh and they got engaged as well. Should probably mention that; such a scatter-brain!)

On a very romantic surprise visit to New York (Laura - don’t get any ideas. I’ve no idea how this was financed) Chris, slipped on some winter ice and fell on one knee and hurt himself. Chris turned to drink in order to ease the pain, however the agony prevented him from completing the sentence. I will put the words he missed out due to the agony in brackets, to help paint a fuller picture

“Ah, the pain, will you (go for a ‘bloody’) Mary (with) me, to ease the suffering of my pain in my (leg, foot and) soul?”

Since coming to Canada we’ve all enjoyed a drink or two, but, Deb’s over emotional, “YES” and throwing her arms around him in ecstatic joy, made him think perhaps she enjoyed a drink a bit too much (there’s always Gav and me Deb’s).

It only dawned on Chris what had actual happened, when he received the bill for the ring Debs had just ordered. But as you can see, Chris was truly delighted with how it has all turned out.

The best thing is, is that they have asked me… Yes me, to marry them in a civil service in 2007/8. Don’t worry, I have booked those two years off in my calendar to make sure I’m free! There’s NO GOING BACK NOW YOU’VE ASKED ME!

To Chris and Deb’s (joking aside) I wish you all health and happiness in your future together. (Just imagine what the kids will look like)

Under Pressure

2005-12-20T12:50:00.000-08:00

This job is going from worse to unbearable. Thank the Lord It's only until Friday. Although surviving until Friday seems like an insurmountable challenge. Before you say it, I know it's only a temp Job! But that doesn't help!

(Am I jumping for Joy or jumping off a cliff? You'll know by Friday)

At 5pm I turn into a normal person again. I never take work home with me. It's just while I'm here it's all consuming! If I was ever in need of divine intervention, now would be a good time! And it's Christmas!! If all I have seen in the films and TV is true, then miracles really do happen at Christmas!

The Dangers of Alco-Fun!

2005-12-16T10:57:00.000-08:00

Now, in my capacity as a Health and Safety spokesman for Britain's abroad, I have something to share with you that you should not only adhere to, but your children and your childrens children should too.

Alcohol does not improve your ability to dance!

(a shocking and vile image but you have to admit, I can still pull the shapes)

I would like to thank Ian sincerely for bringing the image into the public domain (it's a good job I'm of a forgiving nature). Hopefully something good can come out of this. I give full permissions to have this photo used in this years, government spearheaded "Don't Drink & Dance" campaign.

I would just like to take this opportunity to apologise to all my family, friends, Ian, the wedding party that was in that night, God and poor Laura who looks very frightened.

SORRY!

30-Second Update!

2005-12-14T14:33:00.000-08:00

Thank you “Jolly Boys”! I got your card yesterday in the post. It gave me a really good laugh and I was very touched so thank you all very much.

Joanna Butler: I’m not ignoring you; I’m just 8 hours behind you. This is why I’m am never on line. Also, I don’t have the same amount of time to waste as I did working back in London. So to make you feel better “HELLO!!!”

In other news: Work has just announced that I will be replaced in January. This means that because of the holidays, I will finish here next Friday. I won’t be sad to leave this thankless job behind, but I will miss the coffee and free leftover food from board meetings.

This will give me time to spend with Dad when he’s over here. I’ll also have more time to concentrate on my forthcoming album, which is still in the ‘learning to play the guitar’ stage. Fame and fortune is surely just around the corner.

Lastly, the sun is shining today!

Have a good one,

Andy xxx

Wondered Why? This is why!

2005-12-12T15:20:00.000-08:00

Hello everybody! How are things with you? Things with me are pretty much the same. My job keeps me bordering on insanity and I’m still not the rock legend guitarist I would like to be (I’m starting to wonder if I’ll ever get that elusive gold disc).

However, Laura is already getting worryingly good. The guitar was meant to be my thing. Her thing is that she can speak German. After 2 weeks intensive tuition I can now say “Hello my name is Andrew. Two large beers please”. All the modern traveller needs I’m sure you’ll agree!

I felt a bit uneasy this weekend. I felt like I was not making the most of this wonderful location, but I didn’t know what to do with myself. This is very like me. I have a lot of passion and energy, but have no real focus to channel it. This leads me to often get frustrated with things.

Ian came to the rescue on Saturday afternoon, by suggesting that we go for a walk around Kitsilano Beach. I had plenty of energy to spare so why not.

The sun was beginning to set which unleashed a brilliant array of pinks and purples over the clear bay. It was a sight. All nagging questions and frustrations that had been plaguing me seemed to fritter away into insignificance and I felt totally relaxed (a very rare thing for me). I really began to put things in perspective and felt a lot better for it. Life is for living good people. It’s just a lot easier to do out here than at home!

I know these photos are slolen straight from Ians blog, but I was there too, and my Dad hasn't yet worked out how to click onto Ians blog from mine. Enjoy Pops, you'll see it for yourself soon!

(From the post "Oh What a Beautiful Morning" the poem "Vancouver in the rain")

(Downtown Vancouver as seen from Kits beach)

Bizarre Party @ The Party Bizarre

2005-12-08T12:25:00.000-08:00

Guess what! I finally took some photos of an evening out to furnish my bland looking blog. Sadly, you won't see them until after Christmas, because in my haste to leave the country I forgot my USB cable and it's coming over with my Dad.

I also know people have been requesting a glimpse of the lovely Laura, whom I have been rattling on about for a while now. Rumors abound that she is some sort of figment of my imagination, but she's real I tells ya. She just has this Batman like ability to delete any sneaky glimpses of her that I may have caught on my camera. Maybe she's a spy?

Crashing on! Tuesday night was the much anticipated Christmas bash at the Party Bizarre. It was held in a local hotel near to the shop. As I walked into the function room I was a little disturbed to see many people in sweat-shirts and jumpers that were probably last worn at Disney World sometime in 1986. It was only when I remembered that I had forgotten to dress up for the 'Most Naffist Christmas Pull-over Prize' that I finally sat down and began to relax.

My date Laura looked fantastic! However, due to the picture embargo placed upon me, you'll never know just how fantastic!

Andrew Keen began to warm to his lovely date Ian after a few beers, but we felt strangely cut off from the rest of the party. We made a few introductions to people, but as soon as the food came out the socialising was over! The food was great by the way.

We sort of left without saying goodbye, which was a bit strange. Therefore, using taxi money as an excuse to pop in and see Laura, I went to the Party Bizarre in my lunch hour the next day and finally got introduced to some more of the team. I got to thank them for their kind hospitality, and be a bit bitchy about keenie at the same time (all within earshot). I think I endeared myself a little to them (just kidding Andrew).

After the dinner, we went to the pub downstairs and played pool and mingled a little more. I decided to introduce myself to a few more people from the party. Names escape me, but there was one guy who is releasing a new album in April. How cool is that? He's a guitarist/can play everything else under the sun, type musician. I can't quite remember exactly, but I thing he may have suggested getting some people together and having a jam! That would be cool. Just give me another couple of years solid practice to get really good! (it was one of those, good idea after a couple of beers things)

I have just noticed something really cool! One of the people in the office has just asked me to order a name plate for a new employee starting next week. I mentioned that I haven't got one, but then I moved around my desk to see that I have.

It says:

Andy Bull
Temporary Administration Assistant
Corporate / Administration.

Finally, I'm someone (albeit temporary)

TTFN,

Andy xxx

It's like a home from home!

2005-12-06T09:44:00.000-08:00

A story I picked up in the office. The people refered to are very important Board members here at Vancouver Coastal Health. I don't have a clue who they are either.

Vancouver (Reuters)

Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2005 - Revenge of the Commuters

Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today, as an additional ¼ centimeter of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes before venturing out.

Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them through Vancouver's most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire reported that they had completely sold out of fur lined sandals. Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have been shocked to learn that their SUV's actually have four wheel drive, although most have no idea how to use it.

Weary commuters faced soggy sushi, and the threat of frozen breast implants. Dr. John Blatherwick, of the Coastal Health Authority reassured everyone that most breast implants were perfectly safe to 25 below. "The government has to do something," snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. "I didn't pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be treated like someone from Toronto."

Hello Again!

2005-12-05T13:55:00.000-08:00

I shouldn’t moan really, Vancouver is treating me extremely well. I love the city, the people, the ‘Batcave’ (i.e. my flat), Ian (in the manliest way possible of course), the Bunac20, and I have met a lovely lady (The Über Zuber). Who could want for more???

It’s just my job really sucks!

I was flicking through some old e-mails when ordering food, and I noticed my predecessor in his goodbye e-mail to the caterer, referred to me as the ‘new sucker’. Charming! Although in fairness he did also say that I was ‘actually a nice British guy doing the work travel thing’. If he liked me, why didn’t he tell me to run! Run like the wind before I realised the full horror!

It’s not that bad. I have had worse jobs and the moneys good! So quit moaning Bull.

Gavin has landed perhaps the best job in the world! (Especially if you are Gavin). He is now an official beer quality control tester for a local B.C. Brewery. He tests for purity and colour. I can honestly think of no better man for the job… Except me!

Happy birthdays to Chris and Debs who 21 apiece. Also, our man from the north, Simon had a splendid 22nd birthday bash and Marks on Broadway on Friday. Much fun and dancing was had by all. I had an especially fun time, but I’m not going into that now. I’m sure someone will post incriminating photos before too long.

Tomorrow night is the Party Bizarre Christmas bash, and I’m Laura’s date! Cool! I’m very excited. It’s in a hotel in Vancouver, and it sounds as if it will be a lot of fun. Andrew Keen, who also works at the Bizarre, is taking a tall brunette with him. His name is Ian.

I think it may have something to do with the magic of the Cowboy shirt, or the Kitsilano air, but I have renewed enthusiasm for my guitar. I want to practice more that ever, work with my book and improve my technique so that when I am back in Ol’ Blighty, I’ll have something that that I fostered and nurtured in Canada. I want to write myself some tunes that will chronicle my time here.

Poor Ian is suffering in silence, bless him, I’m less Eric Clapton, more Andy Clapped-Out at the moment, but so help me god I’m going to get better!

Just wish all this crappy work wouldn’t keep getting in the way.

Must go another crisis has just arisen. Oh Heck!

Bully x

Snow Fun for Cowboys

2005-11-29T10:31:00.000-08:00

It’s snowing! It’s not too bad here, but Ian has text me this morning to say that UBC is covered in the stuff. Usually, I’m a big fan of the snow. I live to ski and I think it looks very pretty when it falls and settles. However, this morning was slightly different.

Being a leggy chap my centre of gravity is quite high. This means that in icy conditions, I have a tendency to fall over. I did manage to stay upright for a change, but my more cautious approach meant that the busses I could normally run and catch, sped past me as I gingerly trod my way through the slush to the bus stop.

Apologies for the lack of photos everyone. Two reasons. Firstly, I still haven’t had my USB cable sent over. Secondly, Ian hasn’t posted any photos for a while so I haven’t had any to steal!

I have to be quick, as I‘m supposed to be working, but…… She’s Back! The Zuber’s in Vancouver, Laura (if you hadn’t already guessed) is back after her little trip around the Province. I missed her!

Not only did she come back, she bought me a present too. I am now the proud owner of a brand old, genuine Cowboy shirt!! The sleeves are a little short but I’ll keep washing my arms in cold water to shrink them so they are just so. I‘ll get a photo of me in it soon, but according to Laura who is from New Mexico, and is therefore some sort of authority on this, I’m not wearing it the right way. Therefore, I need some more styling tips so I don’t look a fool.

So for Christmas I want the biggest belt buckle money can buy, Cowboy boots (size 12 US) with spurs and the Billy Ray Cyrus back catalogue. I have been a very good boy this year Santa!

As the song goes #Where have all the Cowboys gone?#

Never fear, “The Bull” is here. (am I getting a little carried away?)

Andy xxx

Work and no wine! No fair!

2005-11-23T11:39:00.000-08:00

I was going to have a good old moan on my blog today, but luckily for you but unluckily for Ian, I moaned at him most of last night and got it out of my system. (After that we had a great conversation about Bond films. So all's well that ends well)

My new job has quite a steep learning curve. Things are done a little differently here than they were back at the NEBP. Firstly, I'm not in charge any more, which means they more organised, efficient and in not in complete chaos all the time.

Secondly, I'm working on my own again, so the capacity for cocking things up and getting the blame is greatly increased. The lady whom is taking up most of my time appears permanently stressed and less than helpful to the new boy.

To further my angst, I am on the 'No fun detox plan'. This self-imposed ban on eating out, drinking is designed to save a bit of money and alleviate the chronic pain in my liver (just kidding Mum!).

I have been very social lately, (as one should when in a foreign country) but I have a small window in my schedule, which allows me to rest, recover and get some washing done before Fridays fun and frolics (it's Chris and Deb's 21st Birthdays. Congratulations!)

Hang on, this is turning into a moan isn't it?

In other news, Ian and myself are "Art". For more details click on his blog, but we were asked to be involved in a video arts project. Under normal circumstances I would have probably made polite noises and declined, but seeing as we are in Vancouver, I decided to embrace the project. So Ian and I were filmed being interviewed. I think it's going to be exhibited in the gallery, so if you're over that way see if we're there.

Only more 2 hours to go. Then I have to go home and clean my apartment. Dam it will the excitement ever stop?

Pub Olympian!

2005-11-15T07:54:00.000-08:00

I have long been a champion of the Pub Olympics. A whole games for the common man playing parlor games such as pool, darts and dominos for glory and the inevitable sponsorship deals that will follow. Furthermore, it might be the only Olympics were Britain could actually dominate the medal table.

Now that London has the 2012 games, and has not used this opportunity to include Darts or Snooker to bolster our medal tally, I believe the time is right to diversify and set up our own "Pub" Olympics.

Or at least I thought so until Saturday night.........................

There is a young lady hailing from the USA in our midst. She not just good, she's a natural. Now the rebel colonies could be forgiven for producing an outsider for the pool or even the darts event. This young talent has already beaten me in both disciplines in recent days (Oh the Shame of it! I'll never be allowed back into the North Star), but the best was yet to come.

Beer mat flipping, is a noble art which is usually dominated by the home nations. For those of you who don't know what I'm blabbering on about, beer mat flipping is where you rest your beer mat half on and half off the edge of the table. You then flick it from underneath, which will flip it over and then you have to catch it.

I pride myself on my beer mat flipping expertise. Having mastered the single mat flip you then place another beer mat on top and keep flipping, building up the pile as you go along with each successful attempt.

I can usually flip a respectable 6 beer mats in one go. Not bad, but not quite "Pub Olympian" standard.

As this is a demonstration event for the next Pub Olympics we allowed Laura, representing the USA to join the competition without previously qualifying (this being because she has never done it before). I showed her the basic rudiments of the "classic" technique used by most of the worlds top flippers, and she was away.

4, 5, then 6 she flipped. More beermats were called for. 10, 12, 14. By this stage a small but eager crowd were gathering. Up to 20!!! Ordinary pub goers were calling their wives and children to get down to the pub and watch this masterclass.

By 30, the pub was on the phone to the Guinness Book of Records, and the Brewery for some more beermats. 40 was her last attempt for the night!

FIRST TIME!

My memory is a little sketchy from that night, but I'm sure we hoisted Laura onto our shoulders and walked through a ticker tape parade in Downtown.

I worry for the British prospects at the next Pub Olympics.

Oh What A Beautiful Morning!

2005-11-14T14:25:00.000-08:00

I have become so accustomed to the rain in Vancouver, that when the sun actually does make an appearance it will almost move you to tears (I'm quite serious about this).

I over slept again, which means that over this bank holiday weekend, I think I have been asleep more than I have been awake. Nevertheless, when I pulled back my blinds and saw the clear blue sky, I shot straight up.

Guessing rightly that is is highly unlikely that my agency will find me any work before I start my long term stint and Vancouver Coastal Health on Friday, I quickly decided that today should be about enjoying some "quality me time".

Firstly I got on my Guitar and finished the tune to my first number one hit. The idea came about after a yard or two of ale on Saturday night. Paul Banks was talking about him mum Mrs Banks, reading all our blogs. Manifestly, as a show of appreciation to Mrs Banks I decided to write a number 1 smash hit for her.

It's a song that like me, doesn't take itself too seriously. However, the lyrics do need a little fine tuning. We're trying to find a way of actually putting the final version of the song on the blog so we can all laugh at my efforts. I'm sure Simon Cowell is a big fan of the blog, so I'm positive he'll push it for me.

After that, I thought I had better get on with some of the jobs I have to do as a faithful house husband. I decided to walk into downtown via the beach seeing as we live so close to it. For the first time I could see the snow covered mountains clear as day. The bright sunshine illuminating the waters and the silhouetted ships in the bay.

The Fall here is beautiful, but when it is projected throughout the bright, crisp sunshine it looks truly remarkable. If only I had my camera, but then I thought pictures could never really to it justice. I hope and pray we get a couple of days like this when my Dad comes to visit over Christmas. Then he'll see what I'm banging on about.

I stopped off to look at the various pieces of art that line the Kitsilano coast. There are also a few poems that I would urge people to go and read. There is one about the rain that I particularly love.

I treated myself to a return ticked on the Granville Island ferry, so I could could continue my walk around the park and see the bay from the river in all it's glory.

There were lot's of people jogging around the parks today. It's a very "healthy" city. I thought about going for a run myself, but then I thought what's the rush? Let's take this all in. I think this city is finally getting to me, and it's all for the better.

In other news I got a text from my new companion of the female persuasion Laura, last night. She asked me if I was working before Friday and then said "I want you to come with me somewhere Wednesday".

How exciting, I beamed. Being a master of psychology, I thought I would try and tease the answer to where out or her subtly, by asking her where?

"A Casino!" she replied.

My wallet skipped a beat.

Thankfully, it's her flatmate who works there who is going to take us. Laura can't gamble either. Although she has warned me to leave my wallet at home as there is a shopping complex there as well. Good sensible advice me thinks.

Ok, I had better do a few more jobs. Take care people.

Andy

The Best Tour Ever!

2005-11-13T15:51:00.000-08:00

(The Brewery)

Hi fans,

Ian and I decided to treat ourselves yesterday. Ian has worked hard all week, and I did TWO WHOLE DAYS, so we decided it was high time we kicked back and treated ourselves. We decided to head over to Granville Island. It's a wonderful little bristling place with markets and funky little shops. It also houses the Granville Island Brewery. It's a micro-brewery that produces about 5 million liters of beer a year. It's all pretty low-tech, but being a man that likes to fully immerse himself in the culture of a new land, I was unsurprisingly already familiar with most of their brands.

The tour was split into two. The first 5 minutes was spent showing us around the brewery and telling us a bit about it, how the beer is made yada yada yada. The next three hours was spent sampling and talking to other sophisticated, urbane, beer loving Canadians. They have never heard my stories!!!! Everybody else had heard them at least 6 times, and frankly, it's never as good after the third time. It was nice to have a new audience. When ever I meet new Canadians I like to try to be a young Alan Wicker, witty, clever and very dapper. (The man is a pro and should be made Sir Alan in the New Years honors List) However I rarely manage to pull it off.

(Humm Lovely beer)

In other news, Ian got called up by those Crazy Canadians Jen and Lowell, he met when he went coat hanger shopping. So on Thursday we went to a rather trendy little night spot where one of Jen's friends was DJing. That was great fun, we'll certainly be heading back there. These crafty Canadians know all the best places.

Ian nearly got run over yesterday. He was crossing the road when it was safe and the green man (or white as he is here) directed him, but a car swerved around and Ian took his wing mirror off. Ian was not hurt, but the car came to a screeching halt and the driver got out the car. Ian got ready to run, but this not being Britain, the driver started apologising. Ian said he almost felt sorry for him.

Last but not least, I have been out dating this week. How exciting!! I can't say much because I don't want to jinx it, but coupled to that, there isn't a lot to tell. All I'll say is she's called Laura, she's very nice and hails from New Mexico, Yee ha. However, she seems to have lived everywhere. She's also a mean darts player!

I'm pooped. To much Granville Island fun. I had better get home and get Ian his dinner. Being a house husband is not all it's cracked up to be. Still, I start work again on Friday.

Until we meet again.

Andy x

This is how we dress in Canada

2005-11-09T13:20:00.000-08:00

If I ever get another crappy filing job, I have come up with a brilliant new way of getting out of it.

As well as being suitable for Wedding, funerals, christenings and posh social gathering of other people you don't like, my Halloween costume could also get me out of tricky work situations.

They will either promote me straight away or have me forcibly evicted from the building. Either way I win!

I am slowly recovering my sanity after spending 3 days in a room with nothing but files. If anyone would pop in to pick up a file an said "good morning" it would shock me to the core.

One woman did come in and thanked me very sincerely for the work I was doing. This worried me as it opened up the possibility that I had somehow volunteered to do this and was not getting paid! Panic ensued until I got my timesheet signed

Still, with this nifty bit of kit stored in my bag, I should never suffer the same problems again.

This leads me nicely to this months "Public Appeal"

Being the Gentleman I am I was walking a fair maiden home after the evenings adventures. I am sure she felt safe and re-assured by being walked home late at night by a 6 ft 3 crayon. It was only as I walked passed Granville that I noticed that I has lost my hat.

Therefore if anyone has seen or heard of the whereabouts of my hat last seen on Granville at aprox 3.10am, please leave me a comment. There is a game of pool in it for anyone who tips me off leading to a successful recapture.

It looks just like the thing on the top of my head!

Cheers,

Andy.

Oh Lord, too much has happened!

2005-11-03T19:45:00.000-08:00

Firstly, I would urge you all to read Ian's entry that he will also post tonight. I know this is a scary thought for a lot of people, but trust me on this. No one will judge you. Not only has he got some brilliant photos from Halloween, but he has a wonderful story about Canadian Hospitality that involves me as well. So you time will not be wasted.

Simply go to Bully's choice blogs and click on Ian.

Right here goes. We've moved in! Our flat is lovely and cozy. We have started to get furniture in (most of which I have taken quite legally from one of my temp jobs). However, when we first arrived at the apartment, we were a tad surprised to find out that "part-furnished" in Canada means that they have left the plaster on the walls! It was empty.

Never fear, Ian and I are hardy fellows. A quick trip to Ikea later for some open wallet surgery (Ian's skint so I'm paying for everything at the mo, and he's paying me back as soon as he gets paid. It's a good arrangement, as I get to feel superior and belittle him for a little longer). We got all the bits we needed to survive, pans, plates 24 cans of kokanee etc.

Ok; at this point we can eat and get drunk, however as yet we only had a floor to sleep on (but at least it's our floor). Deciding that my poor arms hadn't been stretched enough, as my knuckles only just drag on the floor, we went out shopping again.

We picked up some very comfortable air beds and some linen, so we were nearly sorted. I have taken some chairs from work and so now we have some where to sit.

We bought a TV and even had cable before they cut it off this afternoon. Now we just sit and stare at the cardboard cutouts of Mounties that I brought home and scare me half to death when I get up in the morning (It's half dark and two figures are standing there saluting you. Terrifying.)

In other home furnishing news, we now have a sofa with two reclining seats. We have also bought a coffee table to put in between to rest our drinks when we sit and watch Family Guy (when I have the cable re-connected on Thurs). Proper bachelor pad. Sorted.

Ian has also got himself further into hock with me as I have now bought proper beds for the place to get the 'batcave' up to scratch. Tomorrow night will be spent building them. We're not taking down our inflatable beds just yet, otherwise it Could be a very late night.

Halloween is a big thing here, so when in Rome. We all got dressed up and went out on the town. We bought the costumes on Saturday night for a party that never materialised. This didn't stop us dressing up and going to the pub for a few instead.

I got the most stupid costume I could find. Ian looked fabulous as Buddy Holly, and I went dressed as................... a Crayon!

We must have made quite an impression as when we went out again on Monday, people recognised me from Saturday. It was very strange having people come up to me and ask if I was the Crayon walking down Granville Street. I have been given the nic-name the Cockney Crayon, and people keep giving me crayon related items. Such items include, a green crayon and a big pink blow up crayon. Thanks!

Judge for yourself as I introduce you to the rogues gallery.

(The album cover that never was. Buddy Holly and me)

(Chris Gav (who I have stolen the photos from) and my good self, rock the joint)

(One for Julie. Paul 'the Monk ' Banks and me... again)

(Chris. One horny Devil)

(A vision of heaven. Hunter S. Thompson and Buddy Holly in conference)

(The gang, in a cage. Doesn't Chris look scary)

In other news: It's been a busy old week again. I'm working again until Tuesday. I seem to be getting a lot more offers through now, so hopefully I can continue in this way to pay for Ian's lavish lifestyle.

Ian and I went to a house warming party last night, of some of the fellow BUNAC'ers. I took my guitar around with me and I sat and listened as other people who are much better than me played it!

We also played the amazing "King of Cups" drinking game, which probably accounts for the very low profile being maintained by the participants today. Good fun and was had by all. Even better is the fact that they live 4 mins away, so I didn't have far to stagger back.

Right I need to sent a few quick e-mails, do some washing and cook Ian a fabulous meal. We still haven't worked out who wares the trousers in this relationship.

TTFN. x

30 second update.

2005-11-02T19:51:00.000-08:00

I promise I'll post properly tomorrow. It's been a manic week. I am working again and we have moved into our new flat. I have been stealing furnature from all places so thanks to my endeavour, we can at last sit down. Our flat is lovely and cozy, and if anyone says othwise they are a liar, cheat and a scoundral.

I have also decorated our flat with two life size cardboard cutouts of Mounties. The look brilliant and welcome us back from work evey day.

Halloween was a blast. Photos tomorrow I promise (I went as a crayon, and Ian was ... no I mean WAS Buddy Holly).

I also met a nice young lady whom I am off for a drink with now. Wish me luck!

PS> Sorry mum about the spelling but I have no time.

Sis, thanks for the pic. Have you got your prezzie yet?

A new love in in life!

2005-10-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

She's beautiful, got a great body, slender lines and she sounds so sweet. She's Canadian too. I even think my mother will like her. I know my Dad certainly will.

She's my new SIMON & PATRICK GUITAR !

Isn't she beautiful (I think this is the one I have got. Never fear, i'll soon post some action shots with her)

All I need to do now is write a hit song to pay for it. I did give it a go yesterday but I could hear Hannah laughing all the way from Hackney. I guess I need to work on my writing a bit.

She lives in a case that looks far more comfortable than my hostel bunk, but hey ho. Ian and I had a call last night from our new landlady. We are going for a viewing on Friday. There is a slim chance that we may get in their a couple of nights early. That would be simply fantastic.

I have not been working today. I did get a call from the agency that I was working for last week. My previous employers want me back! So at least I have some work in the pipe line. I seem to be getting quite a few calls from agencies offering me work as well, so I hope to be working again by Friday.

Ian's doing well at his post at UBC. Like the industrious boy I am, I met him for lunch and then went job hunting their myself. The pay is good and it seems a lovely place to work.

Congratulations to Paul who got his job in TV product placement today (Hi Julie). Dinners on you tonight then sonny boy!

Only a week and a half after his birthday I have posted off Dad's present. I also got my sisters off today. Cost me a bloody fortune, but their worth it! ;) Should be with you in 4-6 days peoples.

Laura.... I hope you like what I have got for you. Please let me know when you get it. Mwah x

Ok, need some dinner so I'll sign off for now. I bought a songbook with a few of the songs I failed to learn properly when I had lessons (poor Pete, my tutor. I was a terrible student). I am determined to return a better guitarist than when I left.

Right I'm off to practice.

Until next time x

The Women in My Life

2005-10-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

This post is dedicated to two people in the Nottinghamshire area. The first is my little sister Laura, who will be 21 tomorrow. HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARLING. Your card and prezzy will be a little late, but at least it won't be as bad as my poor Dad, who has already been waiting over a week for his birthday present. (I'm so sorry Dad. I promise I'll get it off tomorrow. Just been a bit busy)

(Laura on her 21st Birthday. Who Farted?)

The second lady I want to say hello to is Mrs Julie Banks, who like many of you have become gripped by tales of our adventures, but unlike the rest of you is mother to Paul, a fellow friend & BUNAC'er. Why not drop either Ian or me a comment. We'd love to hear from you.

Last bit of admin. Apologies of all readers but especially my Mum who has pointed out in great detail all my spelling and grammatical mistakes made throughout my postings. My defense is that the spell checker is crap on blogger, I can't spell and I get charged by the MINUTE to use this. So ner!

OK sports fans, what a week it has been. Last weekend a few friends and I went to the aquarium and had a great time. It's well worth a visit if your in town. For picks and a more detailed analysis, go to Ians' blog, as he has all the good pictures too.

The big news of the week is that I have been working. I got a temp job at Vancouver Coastal Health. I have been re-organising all their filling system (for those of you whom I used to work with and know my "it's all up here" filling system, I am a changed man).

The people are very nice and have asked me to stay until Tuesday. After that, who knows. One guy called Dave just came up to me, introduced himself to me and then invited me out for drinks with his sister and friends the next night. How friendly is that! I accepted and took Ian, Gavin and Paul with me for moral support. We had a lovely time. It's nice to finally get out and meet some real live Canadians.

In other news. Tuesday has been re-named "Unexpected Tuesday". Simon, while working in the bowling alley spotted and old boy with a torn jumper, baseball cap and a dodgey Canadian accent. It turned out to be none other tan Patrick Stewart of Star Trek fame. Once Simon plucked up the courage to ask him if he was Capt Jean-Luke Piccard, he threw of his cap and announced in his thick Shakespearian brogue that "You have found me out". They chatted for a bit and he came across as a thoroughly nice chap. See Simons blog for details.

Tuesday became even more bizarre when I got back from work to be greeted by all the newNACK'ers. Two of which I was at school with. What a strange small world it is.

This weekend has been good fun. Ian and me have to leave the hostel for at least 1 night as we can only stay 21 consecutive days. We decided to go on a little holiday to Jericho Beach. We had heard that there was a very nice little hostel there.

Ian and I, packed up our sacks and being very mean, decided to walk the 8 or so miles to the hostel. When we got there, we thought the hostel and it looked very nice. Problem was we couldn't find the entrance. We found it in the end, next to a big sign that said "Closed for the winter" Bugger!

We decided to treat ourselves to the luxury of a bus ride back to town. We checked in to the other hostel in central Vancouver, just above The Royal pub. The music vibrated my bunk until just after 3am when all was quiet. Not for long though, as a new bloke walked in the dorm and was ceremoniously sick on the floor. Charming!

We're back in our old hostel again tonight. It's a former Nunary and the atmosphere is a suitable more restrained. Can't wait until we move into our flat. A week on Tuesday. Hurrah.

Right, I had better get on as I have to do a spell check and then phone Dad to tell him why he has yet to receive his birthday card and present. What A crap son I can be.

Love to all, and drop us a comment if you have the chance.

Bully xx

Don't Panic Mother!

2005-10-19T18:59:00.000-07:00

It's ok I'm still alive Mum. The reason that I haven't called is that I have been to busy WORKING!!!! Yes thats right ladies and Gentlemen. I got a call on Tuesday morning at 9am, and was told to shoot straight over there. It's a Health Vancouver Doctors and admin type thing (I can't bloody remember what it's called OK!. I have just got back from work and ironed shirts for the next few days, I'm knackered) and it was only meant to be until Friday. However, after seeing wonder temp in action, they they decided to keep me on until Tuesday which is good.

I'm just doing basic admin, but it's easy and it pays quite well. I'm also on the 11th out of 12 floors so the views of Vancouver are picture postcard. It almost makes me feel important.

Ian is working as well for a lot more money but less hours. I still have yet to get to the temp agency he got this work from because I'm to busy working myself. However, I'm sure I'll make it there when my work dries up.

Ian only works 4 hours a day but he's moaning for the both of us. As soon as I got in from my full time job, I had a shower and went ironing straight away, taking his stuff with me to do as well (He did my shirt for today so fair's fair) and now I'm here.

I'm off now to have some richly deserved food and a pitcher of kokanee beer.

I'll write a more coherent post when I am more coherent.

God I'm tired!

Love to you all. xxx

Wine Women and Re-sit exams.

2005-10-17T12:30:00.000-07:00

(Gavin modeling our new favourite bar)

Well dear reader it's been a busy weekend. After a week of interview and tests (not all of which have gone quite accoring to plan) we hit the weekend in style. Friday night we went to a bar owned by an Austrian, that Gaving (Featured) knew called the Black Frog. It was a fab little palce that served good beer and good food. As we have been here nearly 2 weeks I decided to have a small taste of home by ordering fish and chips. The rest of the cohort, must have felt the same as 5 of us ordered the same thing.

We decided to move on, but where? As usual it was raining and there were queue's a cover charges wherever we went. However, in an audacious attempt to loose our new room mate Jeff, (we left him in the company of some Canadian women in a queue for a bar we ouldn't be bothered to queue for) we criss-crossed around the city and found ourselves in Malonies.

This pub come blues venue was great. There was only a small charge to get in, and the live music was great. Spured on by the infectious rhythems, I started to dance!!! The creaky old knees started to whirl again. Not since the days of the Ballroom in Keele Students Union have the public been privy to such a bendy torrent of limbs.

I was already half-cut by this point so in my minds eye, I was a dancing like a legend. In reality, it was more like an octopus on speed (the camera never lies).

So fueled with self confidince was I, that I even asked out Sanja (Simons girlfriend Ellies best friend from Sweeden) on a date! Apparently she would have accepted if she wasn't flying back to Sweeden in Sunday. And before you say that was the catalyst for her departure (Jolly Boys!) it wasn't (well not totally).

Severe hangover later, sunny Saturday was a right off. Typical! Had to sleep most of it of, but did manage to stagger to the phone in the morning and wish Dad a Happy Birthday!

Saturday Night, I can't remember why, but we decided to go out again (oh yes, to watch the Grand Prix). We emded up in a bar called Panama Jacks. it had lots of omfy seats and a free pool table. What sealed the love affair was the cheapest beer we have seen so far.

Added to this that there was a club DJ which we got into for free (saved $4) because we were already there. The owner was really nice too, kept telling us to "shoot billiards" and "have a great time".

Sadly had to go home at a sensible hour as my liver was creaking, but promised I would be back. I gave them my e-mail but as yet have heard nothing.

Ok, stupid time. I did some more exams for another agency on Friday. However, I didn't realise that you could go back and answer questions that I had got wrong again if you had time at the end! Therefore I called up in my most authoritive voice and begged for another chance. I went again today and did better. How much better I don't know. At least I should rank as an intermediate now (the entry standards are tougher here than in England).

Ian had just been offered work, (Horrah!) from the agency he went to thismorning. I am booked in their tomorrow. I know what sort of questions they might ask as Ian has done a successfull dummy run. I hope I can follow in his footsteps.

He's on a good wage too. Good for him and wish me luck.

Andy xxx

The Gay Away Day!

2005-10-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

Meet the gang! here are the fellow BUNACers who I will be sharing rooms, stories and games of pool with for the next year. (Extra points for spotting me. I am right at the back right hand side. You may just be able to see my pearly white teeth leaping up from the bar)

Introductions over, I want to introduce you to the concept of the Gay Away Day. Despite constant rumours eminating from work friends, employment agencies and our own friends, Ian and I are not gay. I agree live would be more simple if we were, but it's just not going to happen. OK.

(Bully, the mighty explorer on Kits beach)

Ian and I hired some bikes and decided alone with a few like minded friends to cycle around Stanley park to take in some of the stunning views. Ian commented that this was such a romantic setting and that it was completely wasted on me! Not being one that easily offends, I punched him and hid in a tiny corner to cry.

Ian had a point. We have done some pretty cool things together, dinned in some lovely restuarants together. Was it a waste?

"Of course not!" shouted Paul (I'm sure he's in the top photo but I'm dammed if I can find him) "your simply having a Gay Away Day".

"Eh" I cried.

"The concept of the Gay Away day, is that straight men can go out together appreciate nice things, enjoy their time, and not feel like the moment has been wasted on them." The precident he recalled was "when a friend of his had finished his Uni exams and drove a convertible XR3I up to the beach and he and his friend had a pic nic. It was one of the most fun times they could recall" (metrosexuals, the lot of um)

Soon, we all started remembering gay away days of our own. We all felt much better for this little chat and decided to stop whinging and take in some of the views.

(View from Stanley Park into Downtown)

(The city at dusk)

We have made quite a lot of new friends since we have been here. Through meeting a bloke in a bar we have even set up our own football team. We are meant to be playing today, but as it's pissing it down, I think I'll give it a miss.

(Simon and myself, commanding the field)

Two agency interviews down and one more to go on Tuesday. Foe those of you who are religious pray for me, and I may have work by the end of the week.

Stay tuned for more more comments on Malonies, Panama Jacks and other great nights out. Oh, and maybe some work updates as well.

Love from Vancouver x

Ians' Blog.... Dito!

2005-10-13T12:07:00.000-07:00

Ian made a very interesting comment yesterday. Apart from the 2 hours we spent apart when I along with some other fellow missionaries, went to teach the natives to play 'soccer', we haven't been more than 15 feet away from eachother. This is understandable concidering we are both on a very similar schedule and it's great that we haven't even uttered a cross word to eachother, but it does make our blog enteries quite similar.

This doesn't mean that you shouldn't read Ians blog, as you naturally get all the infomation you need in my handily packaged blog. He writes well! Best of he he has the USB cable which means that he can put photos on his. Therefore click on the link to his and check out the view. I hope to be sorted with photos very soon.

If for some bizzare reason, you have ventured here from reading Ians blog first, then don't worry yourself; you're here now.

You would also know that we have been looking for work. Like Ian, I have three interviews for agencies. I have had my first and it went well. My IT skills could do with a bit of brushing up (Ian has a slight advantage over me here, but I am nothing if not persistant) but indicatiors are that there is a fair bit of work about. I have another interview tomorrow morning and then one on Tuesday. Hopefully I'll be working then.

Ian is at his second interview now. I hope it goes well. If it goes really well I could give up work completely and become a house husband. I could devote myself to the art of stand-up or something equally silly (my pursuit of guitar excellence). Don't think it would look to good on my CV.

Really want to move into my flat now and have a regular job. I get most of my to do list done in the mornings which leaves me a bit at a lose end the rest of the day. I don't like time to ponder. I am very motivated at the moment. Sadly, I have to play a bit of a waiting game.

I'll have a look at some jobs on the web. It least I feel I'm doing something positive. Ian was right when he said he had no motivation in London, but here we are job hunting like wolves. We have made some great progress but are desperate to keep the motivation going. As we are here for such a short time, we don't worry about what jobs we get. We have rent to pay!

The most amusing thing that has happened today was when I went down for breakfast. As I was off to an interview, I was in my suit. In the usually packed canteen, I had a table all to myself. Nobody wanted to sit next to me. As I went to get some juice, a man offered to pour it for me. Somehow, just by changing my clothes, I have assumed a position of power.

I'll do the same tomorrow!

I'll be standing by the phone. xx

Cozy appartment. Sleeps 1/2.

2005-10-10T17:11:00.000-07:00

House hunting is a fickle beast. The emotions one experiences, looking at place to place are enough to drive any man, woman or beast to drink. Let alone me.

We started our search by internet and found that to be a complete waste of time. All the services were charging. I didn't find their services all that useful anyway. As we came out of the Bunac internet office, two girls who have been here a while, said it was murder trying to find any places to stay and wished us a sarcastic 'good luck!'

Confidence was not high, but Ian and I are made of tough stuff. We told them they could keep their negative vibes to themselves as we decided to march on foot to an area we wanted to live in. We walked block by block looking out for for rent signs. We were prepared to do it the hard way.

The first we found looked horrid. We decided to look around the back in case we were missing a secret treat. However, the only secret treats around their were left by the local wildlife.

Stoically, we moved on and found a much nicer looking place. I rang the number on the board and asked the landlady for a viewing. Her English (or lack of it. She was Hungarian) and my accent made negociations difficult. The hallway looked like the inside of a brothel and the landlady kept hitting me for some strange reason. It was a nice flat and a very good price too. Problem was we couldn't move in until 1st November. The mad landlady also lived in the building which made we worry. Not because we will have wild parties. More because by the state of her bloodshot eyes, it looked as if she did.

Plan B. Get the Saturday listings and go through the paper to find places. The first was in the right area and sounded great. Again a good price. I called what sounded like an elderly gentleman. He had me convinced that this was a fantastic deal and that we should get over their as soon as possible. Ian and I bolted over their as fast as we could to meet this guy. We tried to contain our excitement, but it was hard.

We got there. We were waiting looking smart. Ian even had his glasses on to look more professional and less like the hooligan he is.

We know we were in trouble when we saw the gentleman had no teeth and a limp. We had been warned about 'Limpy" aka Paul. He had shown some friends of ours around the previous day in another flat. According to them, this boy old boy was quite mad and his places all smell of urine.

Being charitable, and a great lover of the elderly, we decided to give limpy a chance. Sadly he took us straight into the very same flat we had looked at upon in didgust the previous day. It was a flea pit and the faint odour of urine was also present.

Limpy took us to his office and showed proudly, his collection of complete crap which he gets out of other peoples trash. I spotted A picture of Ullswater in the Lake district. I mentioned that this was in England, out of desperation to manufacture some sort of conversation. Poor Ian was numb with dissapointment. With upmost sincerity, he said that I could have the picture of Ullswater he picked out of the rubbish tip for myself if I took the appartment. Nice !

However, even with incentives as strong as other peoples crap, Ian and I phoned him an hour later and politely thanked him but we were not going to take up the lease.

Clearly demoralised, Ian and I sat on a park bench as Ian sifted through more adverts and I called them, desperate for a new lead. I got answer phones on every one.

We had given up for the day and decided to go around Stanley park on hired bikes with a few new friends. I got a call on my mobile. It was one of the landlords we had called earlier responding to my message. We hunted for the advert about the property. It said cosy 1/2 bed basement appartment. Hopes were suitably subduded as this would mean that it would be tiny. Some other friend had been in a simular basement apartment, like the one we were about to visit. They said that the ceiling was no taller than 6ft at any point. I went along to see this place for myself today and they were wrong, the max is 5ft 11in.

We arrived at the house and it looked very nice. A lovely spot really ner the beach and great bus routes into the city. We met Barbara, the land lady and she seemed very nice. She took us around the flat and we were pleasently surprised. It was a lot bigger than I thought it would be. It had been planned out very well to save on space and provide a roomier feel. The bedrooms were the biggest we had seen. We even get a garden with a sheltered patio. It was also the cheapest so far!!!

Both Ian and I were hooked on it. We applied immidiately and tried to convince her that although we as yet had no job, that we would be the greatest tennants she had ever known. I thought we would hear late next week, so we were going to keep looking. However, the old Bully charm must have worked, because she rang within the hour and offered us the place. We met in Starbucks (where else) that night and signed the contracts.

One problem is that we can't move in until 1st November. Everyone else is in the same boat, and I really believe this flat is worth it. A few little Ian and Andy touches and this will be a bachelor pad to rival all others.

Flat sorted, I now need to get a job to pay for it. It's thanks giving weekend so I have had today off. People are back to work tomorrow, and so will I. I have named it "FIND A JOB TUESDAY"

Wish me luck xx

Hey there sports fans!

2005-10-06T13:53:00.000-07:00

I'M IN VANCOUVER!!! Finally after months of droning on about it, I finally made my move to Vancouver.

It was a slightly emotional farewell to Mum and my sister as I was driven up to Gants Hill tube station on Tuesday morning, laden with all my gear. The official advice was to travel light. So being the experienced traveller I am I ignored this completely and turned up with a rucksac and holdall.

I wore the BUNAC t-shirt which was sent to all Bunacer's with their registration documents. I guessed I would be the only one who would and I was proved right. Apart from looking a bit of a tit, the T-shirt did have one big benefit; the reps from Bunac could spot us, and so could all the other travellers. People would all introduce themselves to me and a small group formed. We have all become quite close. It's a shame in a way that all these people will be heading off in different directions soon, it may well be the last we see of them.

We arrived at our Hostel at obout 7pm on Tuesday. We were all a bit knackered from the flight and so really couldn't form a solid impression of the place. We got showered, and went to a local bar for a couple of drinks. Ian got stopped on the street and asked if this was the gay district (I thought we left this rumour behind in Newham). It was only when we got to the pub that someone pointed out the decorative artwork of mens willies. Still everyone seemed very friendly.

Myt first impression of the place was a bit mixed. We were not right in the centre of town and it was dark. It then dawned on me that I was here for the next year. I felt a little uneasy.

The hostel itself is very nice. We get a good breakfast thrown in to the 15 quid a night we shell out. We have decided to stay until Monday at least (My first Thanks giving). Being bright eyed and bushey at 3am is a consequence of the jet lag, but we are slowly getting over that.

As dawn rose I did a few bits and bobs and then we went for our induction which would hopefully point us in the fight direction as far as accomadation and jobs are concerned. We then went for a walk to get to know the area. In the space of thirty feet, a Japanese lady grabbed me and wanted to have a photo taken with me (I got the rest of the gang I was with involved, 8 for the price of one). I tried to tell her I was English and not Canadian but she seemed happy enough so why spoil her fun. Next, a tramp asked us if we would give him money to watch him climb up a tree of lampost (in retrospect I wish we had). Lastly, we walked passed a shop which sold the 'Rocky' board game (you have to use your moves to build boxing strategy, pure genius)

That evening, we went to a bar called "The Royal" where, fueled by beer and the adrelalin keeping me from colapsing into a coma, I hit the dance floor and unleashed my trademark dance moves upon the natives. Some watched and some fled for their lives, but a young lady from the US did ask me to dance with her. We did the usual dirty dancing, but the music was a bit too trendy for me so I let it slip. As I said my goodbyes she said that we were by far the best dancers. In my drunken state, I would have to agree.

Today has been a much more business like affair. I went to the Bank first thing and opened an account. It took about 20 mins to countersign all my travellers cheques, but it is all sorted now. Also got a mobile phone today. It's all very exciting! looking for a place to live now. I have even found a guitar shop for when we get a place. May have to buy furnature first as you canot sleep in a guitar. I'm starting to feel like a proper Vancouvian. Early days though

Still don't know how it's all going to work out, but I think the omens are good. Excuse all the spelling mistakes, but I get charged by the second for this.

Best bargain so far. Massive slices of pizza, 93 cents (about 40p) with a can of coke take that up to 90p. They bleed you dry here!

Love from BC.

Bully. x

Thank you and goodnight!

2005-09-28T11:22:00.000-07:00

I should be in Belgium with my Dad, on his surprise trip he had organised as a leaving present for me. He has gone on his own. I felt a bit sad as I dropped him off at the station this morning.

I am in Cheshire instead! Regluar readers may have already sussed why I have had to drop everything an dash up north. My grandmother who was defying the laws of natural science with ther cast iron will to live, has passed on.

It's a mercy, she was in a tradgic state. However, she would never admit she was beat, and I hope that just some of the stength she has displayed in the last few years has passed down the genitic line to me.

The funeral is on Friday. It's rare that all the family, grand children and all, get together at the same time. The more centimental amongst us think that the last time we were all together was my grandads funeral nearly 20 years ago, but I'm sure there was one summer holiday at our caravan where we all got together for a BBQ. Still, I have been warned that photos will be taken of us all together again (The last photo was at grandads funeral!). The next time we will all get together will be a wedding. But Whos???? Hummm.

Preporations for Canada are going well. I have got my finances sorted out and bought my last clothing bits. The one thing we haven't done is to get a Canadian Flag for our leaving do on Saturday (Cock Tavern, Great Portland Street, 7pm). We even went to the Canadian Embassy, but all we got off them were Ferrero Rocher. Lovely people.

Ian and I still have no plans for when we get there, but as Spike Milligan once said "We don't have a plan, so nothing can go wrong!" Genius!

Bye for now! x

Goodbye Newham!

2005-09-20T07:12:00.001-07:00

It has just occurred to me that when I leave work tomorrow for the last time, I will probably never work with Ian again. The medium by which the mad scheme to escape the country will be no more. Ian will cease to be a colleague, and instead be a flat-mate. That’s quite a shift.

No more will I see his cheruby little face, moaning, barking orders for "Tea, get me more Tea dam you" over a mountain of paperwork, and trying to achieve the improbable (although not the impossible. We have managed to pull of some events in the past. The Primary launch event we did, I was particularly proud of).

(Ian demanding Tea a 11pm. A tirelss worker for the kids)

No more Stratford. How can I leave this beautiful view of the high street, the high rises and Dog Sh*t Lane? For what? Vancouver? Somewhere I have only heard good things about? Where the people are nice and the air clean? Yep!

(Lovely Stratford: Breath in in boys as it's all being knocked down for the Olympics. Hey ho High rises)

And people look as us as if we are the crazy ones.

I got a very old disposable camera developed today. I wasn’t really bothered with it. I know I had taken some photos at a Halloween party last year, but it was an event I was trying to remove from memory, rather than bring it flashing back. However Ian, was quite insistent. Back in his single days he used his significant and varied powers of allure and charm to get absolutely nowhere with a blond Swedish strumpet.

Being Ian’s wingman and constant ally of support during this time, I selflessly sacrificed myself to attack the gatekeeper (her room-mate). I had to take her out of the game, so Ian could enjoy his moment of glory with the sexy Swede.

(From Left: Ian, The Sexy Swede, Random, Mashed Swede, and the 'Gatekeeper')

I upheld my end of the bargain with customary zeal and sophistication and I have the scars to prove it. I earned my wings that night. Therefore in Canada, you can be my wingman.

N.B. Ian didn't really try to pull the Swede, not with me in the room. He wouldn't do that to me!

RIP Andy "Arrows" Bull 1981-2005?

2005-09-15T02:09:00.000-07:00

I am a dead dead DEAD man! Last night as I was writing, what in retrospect was a strange blog with a picture what has come out far bigger than I thought. Remember, in that blog I mentioned that I was enjoying a nice cold glass of Stella Artois? Yes. Well not for long. Being the dizzy twit I am, I spilled the near full glass of beer all over my sisters laptop and my mobile phone. The laptop cut out immediately, but my phone started flashing and dialling up all sort of numbers.

Problem is, I can’t get the laptop to sober up and work again. Help me Help for the love of God.

Fortunately, I have managed to buy myself some time by, packing her off to the New York this morning. So at least I have managed to by myself 10 days to get it all sorted. If not, then I will be viciously slaughtered. So here are my last goodbyes:

Mum: You did your best.

Dad: It was always your dream to out live one of your children. Congrats! (Just kidding, any one who knows us will know how close we are)

Laura: Sorry about the laptop. Yes, now you can borrow my CD’s.

Jolly Boys: It was fun while it lasted, but you can’t keep that drinking lunacy going forever.
Funny, I always thought Jon would be the first to go.

Ex-girlfriends; You loved and left me!….. Ditto!

Ian: My darts are in the small pocket at the front of my work bag. Go forth to Canada my young Padawan and enjoy it.

Work Colleagues: Can I still get paid for leave not taken?

Last will and Testament: I leave all my worldly belongings to Barking RUFC (Sis if you want to grab a few CD’s before hand please do).

Last words: "I may have left the gas on, best check".

Adieu.

Barking and the Blue Plaque!

2005-09-14T12:53:00.000-07:00

It seems almost fitting dear reader, that just before I leave this fair isle for Canadian shores, I should go back and visit the very spot where I was born.

(If you see this man in Vancouver, give him a job: Me in the cheesiest photo I could find, after 1 or maybe 7 glasses of Chateaux Rothschild 92')

Don't bother strapping yourself in for a rollercoaster ride of blog emotion (although I am enjoying a cool glass of stella as I write) because I wasn't on some sort of soul searching mission. I was in fact driving my mum and back to Barking Hospital for the first time in 24 years to visit an old friend of the family, who is feeling none to clever at the moment.

The hospital is a shadow of its former self. However, as I sat looking out of the window across the brown field site and onto a new housing development, Mum turned and said "that's the exact spot where you were born". Being a sentimental old fool, I basked in the suns rays that beamed through the full length window and felt very centered.

Those of you who know Barking will understand what I mean when I tell you that you are more likely to feel cold steel and a rapid depletion of funds, rather then centered in Barking these days. Shame, it used to be a nice place before the war (Civil War of course).

I gave English Heritage a call to find out where my commemorative blue plaque was marking my birth, and they told me to "Get Knotted!" (Charming!)

I finish work in a week. Thank God! I just want to leave now. I feel I'm getting the cold shoulder from the senior management. Ian and I didn't get invited the Thames barge trip, a great corporate jolly. The reason was a classic. Apparently, people would have been so busy talking to us about our Canadian adventure that nobody would want to talk about work related issues. A backhanded compliment if ever I heard one.

I went to my local pub today, the beautiful Edward VII in Stratford, to break the news that I was leaving, and to stop ordering so much lemonade and chalk for the dart board. Tears flowed and with great sincerity, they congratulated me and wished me all the luck in the world. I was quite touched. They have also given me the back room of the pub for my work leaving do! They will even arrange it all out for me. All for no charge! I'm going to miss that pub.

Less than three weeks to go now until we fly. This is for me now. BRING IT ON!

The Mad, The Bad & The Dangerous

2005-09-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Apologies fans, for the lack of posts recently. The reason is two fold. Firstly, I actually have work to do. I may only have five days left in my job, but it’s the kids that would suffer if I didn’t try and replace the irreplaceable (i.e. me!). I’m not sure I could live with the guilt.

Secondly, seeing as Ian and I have been shoved into a corner, where the modern apprentice used to live (I like to call it the departure lounge) before she got fired, nothing works! My computer is too busy loading ‘pleasures of the flesh’, requested by modern apprentice and then crashing. She was a strange creature. This makes dossing at work more of a chore than the sneaky pleasure it once was.

Right, what was I meant to be blogging on about. Ah yes, the first night of The Mad The Bad And The Dangerous tour. A musical marathon that saw three sets and lasted over three and a half-hours. The setting was the Riga Music Bar in Southend. It reminded me of the fictional ‘Phoenix Club’ in Phoenix Nights. It had Riga written in italic gold sparkles on the black back cloth. It was also about 130 degrees in there. It was a sell out, but the owners had copped out on the air-con.
I was more of an endurance test than a gig. To summarise:

John Otway is a lunatic. A reasonably talented musician with 2 hits to his name, but one of the funniest acts I have ever seen. His well-versed routine with his wonderful guitarist had me in stitches. I won’t spoil it for you.

Wilko Johnson is very good. An excellent guitarist (he doesn’t use a plectrum at all, very good control and thumbs of steel), supported by a very good band. He pulls out his trademark moves, sings well and delivers a very good set.

Just over 2 hours in, and the doors at the back fly open. People flock out to get some much-needed oxygen. The meek are fading, but everybody knows what’s coming next. THE HAMSTERS.

Slim, Otis and Zsa Zsa, are probably the most talented live band I have ever seen. Technically, they are tremendous, they are such a tight unit, and Slim is such a good live singer. Combined with their witty commentary (i.e. "I know we are in chav central, so when I say I’m going to play R&B, I don’t mean f’ing Usher, OK!") you know you are in the presence of something, disciplined, professional but joyous. You can tell they enjoy it so much.

The best bit of their set is when they switch off the lights and the LED’s in their guitars light up the stage. Then Slim and Zsa Zsa walk into the audience and circle the room in opposite directions. They meet up at the back and then swap instruments and come back gain. Then Slim swaps his newly acquired bass guitar for the drums. All mind boggling stuff. Check out their website, the link is on the right.

In other news: I went to Leeds this weekend. I want to see Dan the man Sales of ‘Fish Hat’ fame. Sadly I can’t say much about the weekend due to the massive amounts of scandal that occurred. Pictures are not allowed for the same reason. People I love and care about read this blog and it would be wrong of me to label them as the filthy sex pests they know they are.

All I can say it that it was lovely to see everyone again, and I hope to see them at my leaving do. There is a special sort of friendship you have for people that I went to Uni with. It's probably because we lived and grew together. Some of these bonds however are exploited by filthy sex pests, but I can't talk about that. If word got out, they may shut my old Uni down (Keele by the way) because of the scandalous tendancies of its most revered alumni.

I apologies for the lack of pics. I am working on this. I need to embrace new technology more and not rely on my sister to do it for me. (By the way get well soon Sis) If you want to see cool pics of things, go to Ian’s blog. He’s got loads of them!

Bye for now, Andy

The Elder and the Cricket

2005-09-06T03:16:00.000-07:00

Miss me?

Didn’t think so! Seeing as you are here now, you may as well find out what I have been up to. I have not been at work so for the first time in a long time I have been busy doing something.
Last Sunday I gathered some personal belongings, dug out my passport and went to the doctors to get my jabs. I was off to the land where the vowel is king.

The North of England! Cheshire to be precise. It’s an interesting place. The language can be a bit difficult at first and the natives can get a bit muddled, however after visiting the north for many years now, I can make myself understood (for some interesting reason they call 'dinner', 'Tea' up t'north).

I was going up to visit my family, especially "The Elder" or Granny as she is more commonly known. It may shock you to learn that all my mothers side of the family are from the North, but it’s not their fault. My granny was actually from Coventry working on the north/south Border controls, but 1940 was not a good year for Coventry. The football league was suspended, and Mr Goerings’ half time air show and firework display raised the city to the ground. After being bombed out twice they decided it might be safer to move.

My Granny is not the soft, genteel, nurturing woman you may imagine. In fact, as I was growing up, she makes no secret of the fact that she didn’t like children…. Especially southerners.
Sadly, she now resides in a home after loosing her leg. Her condition had deteriorated rapidly and her body has all but given up on her. She suffers form paralysis and can now only make minimal movement with her head. She’s also going blind.

Now, for ordinary people this would be too much to cope with. Not Granny! Her slightly spiteful nature and her cast iron will to live until she's a 100 means she’s determined to carry on fighting. She’s fighting for fighting’s sake because realistically she cannot got any better, and THAT is why my friends I feel very privileged to call her my Granny.

I said goodbye to my aunts, uncles and cousins, as it unlikely I will be up again before I go to Canada (4 weeks today), But I said a special goodbye to Granny, because medical opinion would indicate that she is unlikely to still be around when I get back. I hope she hangs around long enough for me to write and tell her what things are like in Vancouver. She managed a little smile as I left room 45 of the nursing home, which suggests to me that she may just surprise us all.

As I drove back to the safety and comfort of the south (the temperature went up 9 degrees along the M6), I got a text from my Dad. He was inviting me on a corporate jolly to watch Essex V’s Australia cricket match. Corporate jolly really equates to huge piss up with some cricket thrown in for good measure. I was given an extra ticket so I though I’d take Ian along as well.

It was a beautiful sunny day in Chelmsford, the box was lovely and the cricket spectacular. Now I’m not sure how much I should admit to in this post. Mainly, because I can’t remember anything after 5pm. I don’t really remember trying to unsuccessfully chat up our barmaid. Luckily for me, Ian was earwigging so he was able to remind me if all the horrifying details the next day. I really really loathe myself sometimes. What Ian didn’t know is that I didn’t have any of my business cards on me at the time, so I gave the barmaid one of his instead. As yet he hasn’t heard anything.

I also remember going to the pub afterwards, going on about work to these kind people that funded my inebriation and playing bad darts with my Dad. My Father then abandoned me and left me to my fate. I was very drunk and I answered to no man! Lord knows what happened next!

I do remember smoking a cigar (Why O lord? Why? You know it gives me a headrush that I really could have done without), then being bundled in the back of a people carrier and driven home.

I awoke to be not very well at some ungodly hour in the morning. I was starting to wish the grim reaper had taken me in the night, rather than suffers the morning after the day before hangover. I made a decision that if I thought I could get to work without throwing up on the underground, I would make the Herculean effort to make it in.

I did! Dad called me on my mobile thinking that I wouldn’t have made it to work. He asked if I was still alive? After I said I was, he didn’t try to kill me. So I couldn’t have done too much damage! He had a quick laugh about the day and said he’d see me tomorrow. I may have got away with it.

For gods sake kids.... Drink responsibly. Don't go through the day after paranoia that is suffocating me. I'm weak but I am trying to be a better man.

(Pictures to follow when I can work out how to get the photos from my camera to my sisters laptop)

P.S. I found out that Keira Knightly is a West Ham Fan. It was MEANT to be.

Battle of the sexes!

2005-08-24T06:14:00.000-07:00

"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes....there is too much fraternisation with the enemy" Said Henry Kissinger.

I think this sentence was a product of it's time. When Henry stood in the White House, looking out of the bay window at the legions of Bra Burners doing their bit for the feminist cause, but not the environment (and of course ironically, helping bra manufactures).

However, in these days of widespread technical advancement, new Weapons of Mass Disruption are beginning to win it for the females. Inventions like dating agencies, speed dating and personals websites are fueling the fire.

I myself am a huge fan of personals websites. It has given me hour upon hour of entertainment when there was nothing doing at work, sitting and looking and chuckling at different profiles. Especially the completely fraudulent ones, where women who will never see 40 again try to pass themselves off as 22: it's just not true. Also, the amount of very intelligent and extremely beautiful Russian women who seek a 'life partner' who earns roughly the same as Roman Abramovitch arises suspicion.

I used to find the best ones and save them so I could show my Dad when he pops over at the weekend. He shares my slightly warped sense of humour. Some people may think it's a bit cruel, but some profiles are just so ridiculous that they bring great joy to the masses and should be celebrated. Furthermore, it's unlikely they'll get many serious replies.

I'm not knocking it, honestly I'm not. Infact, before I decided to go to Canada (not much point now), I thought I should put up or shut up. Rightly thinking that I have nothing to loose, I got a general feel from some of the other male profiles, and created my own. I waited for the amazed public to recognise me as a rare treat, the one that got away and should be recaptured immediately, and storm my inbox with sultry offers of wine and romance.

I did get one offer from a big boned, chain smoker who lived frighteningly close to me. I got very scared and removed my profile immediately from the system.

After a couple of weeks, I discovered that I could send my profile only to those whom I wanted to see it. Marvelous I thought! This actually worked quite well and I got e-mailing to a few very friendly people. I actually arranged to meet one in London. We met up and she was far more beautiful than her profile had eluded. She was also good company, but we didn't really hit it off enough to see each other again. I think my English wit may have been lost in translation once it reached her German sense of humour. She's back in Germany now (I think it was a slight over-reaction to leave the country. It wasn't that bad!)

I think personals reflect the current state of the battle of the sexes very accurately. It clearly shows that women are winning! Men's profiles tend to all say the same thing. "Nice down to earth guy, likes bars and fine dining", "or young professional male, looking for a nice lady to share good times with". Nothing to taxing, a bit lame really. Whereas the women just go for broke. They forget to describe themselves, and launch straight into list of demands from their prospectice man.

Here are some actual quotes highlighting why I would not be suitable for them.

"Hope you're the sort of person that doesn't trawl the personals on regular basis but just happens to be glancing through, maybe you're discerning and still haven't found what you're looking for either." (too late, as you can tell I already waste far to much time trawiling)

"I'm looking for a Christian man, no if ands or buts--no equivocating, malfunctioning or disreputable Christians please" (If only I could stop equivocating??????)

"WARNING: I don't drink, smoke, or find crowds of desperate people doing said activities to be appealing AT ALL. " (Fun, Fun, Fun!)

"I laugh hysterically and inexplicably at nothing at all" (Check to see what colour coat she has on. If it's white, I win the bet)

"Abrasive, pub-going, uneducated megalomaniacs need not apply." (Thats me out on all 4 counts)

"Politically I am on the right and I am not interested in left wing types. I have travelled the world and I want someone equally worldly. The reason I am on here is because I am fed up with losers approaching me with sad one liners in clubs and I am told this is a good way to screen these types out easily. That means no icebreakers. I will warn you that I am semi high maintenance and previous relationships have failed because my ex partners weren't up to it.The right man will be. If you're on here, drop me a line" (Semi-high maintenance!! Enough of this false modesty)

"surprise u!! i am a transexual-ladyboy. been live as female role fulltime since i was 16" (Oh Sh*t, Not again!!!)

I could never fight in the battle of the sexes, I love the females in my life to much. However, by the looks of it, women have no such hangups. Such is life!

Richmond upon Chancery Lane

2005-08-22T01:44:00.000-07:00

I knew Friday night was going to be interesting when Dad turned up and demanded to know where the beer was. He had come around straight after work because we were going to an open mic session where 'Richmond' were playing (my guitar tutors band). When I mentioned that I didn't have beer in the house because it tends to get drunk before it reaches the fridge, he paused and looked disappointed for a nano-second before diving into the wine rack.

We got off the tube at Chancery Lane to look for the wine bar where the gig was being held. All along the way, Dad was looking out for pubs which would serve him a decent pint if the wine bar couldn't (poor dad doesn't drink all week and like a beer on a Friday, and I was taking him to a wine bar). Happily the bar was right next door to the Law Society (Dad's a Solicitor) so he began to calm down because he knew he could always get a good pint in there. I wondered if he could get me in. "Of course" he replied "I pay enough to be a bloody member for gods sake".

The bar itself was a lot smaller that I thought it would be and not how I imagined it. It was already quite busy and I felt if if I should apologise for some ridiculously "British" reason. Before I could be heard, Dad said he thought it was an intimate arena, and he liked it. He also liked the only beer they had on tap so we were off to a winning start.

There was a small stage where one of the acts was about to start. He called himself Wolf Man of 1. The kindest what to describe his peformance would be, enthusiastic! My ironic cheer of "Encore!" was met with steely glances from wolf weary listeners.

The second act was interesting. He must have been the wrong side of 70. He played brilliantly and swore relentlessly. His last song was played with the guitar on his knees and a lighter being rubbed along the fret to create a sound that must have been inspired by heavy and sustained substance abuse. His lyrics focused on familiar themes such as 'f**king kids' (not literally as this carries a heavy prison term) and 'space men'. Nevertheless, this didn't stop me from bumping into him later and telling him how wonderful I thought he was, and how I hoped I would see him peform again soon. "What you need is a manager!" I said. Yes I meant me, and yes it was a creepy thing to do. However I have a good excuse... I was drunk.

Dad and I soon bumped into Pete (my tutor) and he came over and bought us a drink (he really hasn't got the hang of this groupie thing). Rob and his friend Alistair, turned up and the four of us stood, talked, laughed and enjoyed the music. Richmond were up next and they were excellent as I knew they would be. The next band, were called Lopez. They were also very excellent. Pete reckons they may go all the way. So as the blog that breaks new musical tallent, click on www.lopezmusic.com You saw it here first folks!

After Richmond finished their set Paul, the lead guitarist, asked us what we thought of the set and then offered to buy us another drink (I should really start going to more gigs). I had quite clearly had enough to drink already as I agreed to do an open mic myself. Stupidly I broadcast this knowledge and I have quite a few people who want to come and laugh at me. They won't be laughing if they have heard me sing. I either sing or play the guitar, not both simultaneously. If I try, I end up concentrating so hard on getting the guitar to sound like the song I'm trying to play, that my singing becomes a barley audible whine. Having my voice amplified with a mic means that by law I cannot play within 20 miles of Battersey Dogs Home.

As the evening drew to a close, Pete came up to my dad and me and offered us a lift home (what can I expect from them if they crack the US market. A flat maybe!). So I got a lift with the band all the way back to Ilford. How cool is that.

On the journey home, Dad who is a massive music buff but completely tone deaf, talked about the industry, being successful, and about music in general. This led to a shock announcement the very next day. Dad had been pondering all night and has deduced that bands need something extra to help them stand out. Therefore he has selflessly decided to help young acts break into the big time by offering his services as a bongo player. He wants to by a good set and get proper instruction. He realises that his image may not fit the young and trendy acts coming through. Undeterred, Dad has agreed to shave off all his hair to make him look more hip. I worry for him sometimes, I really do. If he does go through with it, which of course he won't, I promise to post photos. If anyone needs a bongo player, please do get in touch. He's cheap!

With love,

Andy

Why I love Peter Cook!

2005-08-16T02:32:00.000-07:00

Peter Cook: comedian, actor, writer, performer, owner of Private Eye magazine and towards the end, terrible drunk.

A few hand picked quotes I nabbed from various websites from Ian Hislop.

"It will be a tribute to the funniest man in the world," said Hislop. "He was a very good proprietor because he never interfered. He never asked why we were costing him millions of pounds."When I was being sued by Robert Maxwell Peter was at the back of the court waving his cheque book." I will miss his jokes. He invented the phrase 'this man is a proven Lawyer'. Surreal brilliance, impossible to match."

"My single favourite memory is the commando raid on the Mirror building that he organised in the late Eighties when Robert Maxwell was about to produce a magazine called Not Private Eye. Maxwell had sued us, WH Smith had pulled us off sale but were proposing to sell his magazine. We desperately needed to get hold of a dummy issue if we to stop them. No one could think how to do it, so Cookie sent over a crate of whisky to the Mirror office with his compliments, thinking, rightly, that the people working on the dummy didn't want to do it.Three-quarters of an hour later he rang them up to find they were legless and said, 'Oh, we'll come and join you.' so five of us got into a taxi, breezed over and went straight up to Maxwell's office. Cookie sat at Maxwell's desk and ordered champagne, we wrote Hello Bob on the windows and called him up in New York."

For more larks from the great man, click on "The Establishment" link to your right.

Enjoy your day xx

Public Appeal!

2005-08-15T01:48:00.000-07:00

On Friday 12th of August at about 11.30 pm, I along with my good friend Darren was standing on the pavement outside the Hollybush pub in Loughton Essex.

I was waiting for a lift home when an event took place, that left me feeling cheapened by a gross personal violation of my body.

I was simply standing chatting wittily and merrily to Darren when a young Irish siren, about 25-28 years old, 5ft 6, slim with long dark hair, fair skin, and a very strong perfume of vodka, came bowling up to me and asked me where I lived.

Being a wily old fox, I was not quick to fall into this blatant attempt at entrapment. I casually replied, that I lived in Ilford (cunning I thought, specific enough to avoid a retort, but vague enough not to pin me down). "Ahhhh!" she exclaimed "I used to live in Seven Kings!".

Dam, How did I not see this trap. It was too late, she threw her arms around me, gently and seductively swivel her hips up to mine, and kissed me on the lips!

Shock ensued. The power of the moment must have been too much as she swayed into the path of a reversing car (it may also be attributed to the quite violent aroma of booze emanating from her). Being the gentleman I am, I grabbed her and lifted her to safety.

A strangely farcical conversation followed during which, the Irish siren said I was funny looking, but my ginger haired friend looked normal ("this was because she is Irish" Darren said "there are lots of ginger people in Ireland". Brilliant after 6 stella's, truly brilliant). She then tried to punch me in the stomach to see if I really had the washboard stomach she was dreaming of underneath my T-shirt (diet was going well thus far, but at the weekends I seem to always have a blow out and undo all the good work that I have suffered for during the week).

She proceeded to give me another dig in the ribs just to make sure, and then violated me once again by snaking up to me and planting another smack on the lips.

Thankfully, my ride pulled up soon after, and whisked me away from this frightening ordeal.

Therefore, if there were any witnesses to this harrowing experience, or if any other men suffered the same fate that that night, please could you let me know who she was, if she will be there again next week, or call freephone 0800-cal-bully, because I wouldn't mind being violated some more!

Cheers,

Andy x

The CAMRA Real Ale Festival 2005 - London Olympia

2005-08-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

(Jolly boys reunited)

My love affair with beer started in my late teens, and apart from a few painful moments ( physically, the morning after, or mentally when you remember what you did last night) the love affair has been a strong and constant one.

In fact, it has probably been the most constant thing in my life. It had always been their with me during the happy times, the parties celebrations, and the cool kick back moments. However, unlike any fair weather friends, beer has been with me through the breakups, knocks, downers and Eurovision.

I have been lucky. I have had a mentor to guide me through this path to manhood. Notably my good family friend Doug. Doug is an expert on beer. He knows how it's brewed, what to look for and how to sample and more importantly how to enjoy. He turns drinking beer into an art-form and a science. Therefore, getting sloshed with Doug means I'm furthering education and therefore is perfectly justified.

Imagine then dear reader, my excitement when the "Jolly Boys" (a bunch of lovable drunken reprobates whom I grew up with) invited me to the worlds largest real ale festival. We decided to go on the Friday, just in case we needed a full weekend to recover (I love the boys foresight). Three of the lads took half days, and as two work in the city we met them up there. I decided to make a day of it, so I took the whole day off and treat myself to a lie in and a sturdy breakfast. The last "Jolly" who will remain nameless due to legal reasons went AWOL from his post in the British Transport Police (good to know our transport system is in good hands after the recent bombings).

After some inconsiderate sod decided to throw himself under the train at Liverpool Street Station, we rendez vouz'd at the entrance of the festival.

(The scene that greeted us at Olympia)

As we walked in we bought our pint glass and stood in awe at the sight that greeted us. London's Olympia, packed to the rafters with 450 different ales, and gourmet cuisine of every kind to satisfy the thirsty drinker.

(Me tucking into the gourmet cuisine avec beer)

We went around drinking halves from different varied stalls. Some award winning, some with just a small que. We gaily walked around soaking in the atmosphere, talking to very friendly complete strangers. I was surprised to see so many people hanging around the "Lancaster Bomber" stand, until we realised that they sponsor Andrew "Freddie" Flintoff, who was at the time, hammering the Australians in the Ashes Cricket series. They had a small TV screen around which 100 people must of stood waiting for the next Aussie to fall prey to the English attack. Cheers rang high when a wicket fell. There was a terrific atmosphere. Thoroughly British if such a thing still exists?

(Stealing from the war veterans)

There was one particularly disturbing aspect of the day highlighted in the above photo. Lots of games were scattered around the arena to play for crap prizes but for extremely good causes. Besides when you have had a few, one enjoys a challenge. The stall you can see is for the Poppy Appeal for our war Veterans, a most worthy cause. Chelsea pensioners would stand by the Bog and look after your pint glass for a small fee while you went and answered your call of nature. Great stuff! As you can see above the object of this game is to pass the hoop along the wire without touching. The course was a particularly fiendish one, however the attractive young (I thing Australian.. Huh, just because England is winning in the cricket doesn't mean that you should take it out on our war hero's) lady in the photo, was taking such precautions with her attempt. I stood and watched for about 5mins as he slowly completed the course. Look closely at the woman running the stall. Her look suggests that she is saying "what the hell are you trying to do to these people? Take the food of their plates!".

(Darrrvid... who loves ya baby!)

I don't want any naming or shaming, from the doubtless hundreds of thousands of devoted readers. Someone is bound to recognise her. The appropriate thing to have done, would be have got right to the very end and then slip, affecting a 'silly billy me' expression. Everybody knows you could have done it, so quit there and save everyone's blushes. Please give generously www.poppy.org.uk

(Drinking in perfect harmony)

Just for the record, 'Nelsons Revenge' and 'Your granny wouldn't like it' are Bully's top tip(ple).

(I love you Bully. Jon falling at the 403rd hurdle)

At about half past seven in the evening the nameless PC, fortified with strong Bavarian dark beer, decided he needed to put all his new found pissedness to good use. So I was forced to leave this BEER FESTIVAL to go to a WALKABOUT PUB on the Embankment. I ask you...Where's the logic!!!

(United we stand....otherwise we'd fall over)

PC pulled amazingly, and I went home with a nice warm beer coat on perfectly happy to stare at the crap advertisements on the tube for the next 45 minutes, safe in the knowledge that it was a great day.

(The end of a beautiful day. At Walkabout in Embankment)

Hello again!

2005-08-10T16:11:00.000-07:00

As a courtesy to Her majesty's Government and the Bank of England, I graciously decided to write a quick post to let the English speaking world know how I'm doing. As a result of this hopefully, I can single handedly avert chaos for the great institutions that mentioned above.....(I know they were worried).

I am perfectly fine!

I realise that my silence had caused consternation amongst the masses, but fear not dear reader. It's not because I don't love you. It's just that due to the rapidly approaching evacuation of this fair Isle to Canada, I have been preparing by investing some quality me time.

Work is incredibly quiet at the moment. Added to this we have more staff than ever. The two new people who are to replace Ian and myself have already started. Ian and myself have of course been training them up in all areas of our work. However once we showed them where the kettle was and they seemed ok.

They are both very nice chaps. Rob is Ian's brother (nepotism or what?) and Charlie is very keen and enthusiastic about the job (something Ian and I lost a long time ago). Due to this new bloods enthusiasm, our thinly veiled training programme consists of delegating what little work we have to the newbies. The system seems to be working well at present (for me anyway).

So, what have I been up to this last 2 weeks? Well work wise, virtually nothing apart from a few meetings. I spend far too long day dreaming about what I might get up to in Canada. The danger of this, is that my expectations become artificially high. I'm not stupid! I know that it is likely to be tough, but hopefully good fun. Nevertheless, I can't suppress the tiny piece of my mind that hopes something big is going to happen: and why should I! Keep on dreaming: that's what I say.

The rest of my time in the office is spend doing what little work I have, reading Ian's and Lewis's blogs, checking in with the Peter Cook appreciation society, reading Richard Herrings blog and looking at some other weird and wonderful websites. (Links to on the right)

In my spare time I have been very busy of late. During week days I'm either at the Gym, Playing tennis, down the pub or practicing like fury on the guitar (again following on from the idea that something BIG might happen in Canada, and if not, to provide a better friend during my quieter moments).

Basically there is nothing much doing at the mo. Just winding down. The lull before the Canadian storm. It's quite sad really. Nevertheless, the last time I said my life had gone all gone quiet, things went bloody mental for the next to months. Touch wood!

PS.

At the weekend, I went to the worlds largest Real Ale festival at Olympia, which was fantastic! However, I will wait until I have uploaded the photos to give you the full debrief. This was just to (pardon the pun) wet your appetite!

Love Bully x

Essay: The Stratford Crazies

2005-07-28T05:47:00.000-07:00

(Picture, The two Ronnies pretending to be Crazies)

Definition: Stratford Crazy:

A person who is usually found on or around the crisis bench in Stratford town centre. Usually found in small groups or teams of crazies, they are always to be found in good voice and humor. Their vital role in the local community is facilitated by low grade rocket fuel, thinly veiled as a better quality rocket fuel, or white Lightening or Super Tennants/Skol Strong Larger (for the more discerning crazy).

Definition: Crisis Bench:

Benches in Stratford town centre where crazies traditionally ply their trade. Also used my manic depressives to contemplate, and old people to rest. (NB if you are from outside the UK and wonder what on earth I am going on about; switch into BBC World, find out what time Eastenders is on. Watch it and look for the little green in the middle of the square. You see those benches with people looking very intense (probably smoking), there! Got it! Good!) The crisis bench usually seats some of the most interesting and diverse people you will ever meet.

How, I hear you cry, could I spot these crazies in my own home town/village?

Well this is a difficult one to answer, as crazies are heavily influenced by the environment they emanate from. However, there are a few generic factors you can look out for: -

Concealed drinking vessels.
If you can see shiny gold on black/blue cans, that is an indication of Super Strength larger use
Ill fitting 1980's European sports wear
Cuts and bruises everywhere.

What sort of people are these Crazies and what is their role in society?

Good question and well put. There are many different types of Crazy. They have different aims and objectives, but the one thing they all have in common is their hedonistic lifestyle. Crazies don't live by conventional rules. They are their own bosses and will never answer "to the man". Many people are envious. I myself walk down to the high street at a lunchtime and wish I could be out in the sun getting drunk instead of having to go back to work.

The common mistake people make in regards to Crazies, is that they are disparate. Infact they are a highly organised and community spirited bunch.

Early in a morning around 8.30-9am all the crazies are lined up outside McDonald's, to be given their tasks for the day. Mostly they sit in silence and philosophize to themselves and each other, but some have more hands on tasks.

One Crazy who, I often see living in various phone boxes in the Stratford/Forest Gate area, lends his bloodshot eye to traffic safety. He shouts at the green man that appears when it is safe to cross the road and then shouts obscenities when people cross when it is not safe to do so. Very useful for blind people.

One Crazy is on secondment to the fashion police. Every time someone with glasses walks by he shouts "You should have gone to Specksavers!..... Have you got a fag?"

The festive season is a particuarly busy time for the Crazies. Startford also has an array of quite fine buskers plying their trade in Stratford. The Crazies take it upon themselves, for no commercial incentive, to act as backing singers and dancers for these musicians. Despite only a limited budget, Crazies often dip into the petty cash to by a festive hat in order to spread even more Christmas cheer!

The wonderful thing about the people of Stratford is that they always have time to chat to a Crazy. Legal advice, religion and Big Brother VI are always popular topics of conversation.

I went to speak to The honorable Hugh Wittington-Smythe, a retired High Court Judge and now full time crazy.

AB: Hugh, If I may be so informal, how did you break into the tight nit and secretive world of the Crazy?

HW-S: Well Andrew

AB: Mr Bull if you please.

HW-S: Sorry Mr Bull, where are my manners. It all started when I was at the Barr. The pressure of the job and the lack of self esteem that I was feeling at the time, really made me think I wanted more from life.

AB: A more hedonistic lifestyle perhaps?

HW-S: Yes exactly, a more henonistic approach. I wanted to devote more time to the lesser works of Plato and refresh my Socrates. Thucididies and his work on the Peloponnesian War. Fantastic stuff. Have you read it?

AB: Only the Letts notes.

HW-S: I know of some other part time Crazies on the County Court Circuit. They told me that the Stratford Crisis bench was the place to be if you were really committed to a life of hedonistic public servitude. Of course my family were a little upset by this turn of events, but they agree with the fundamentals of my Crazieness.

AB: Thanks you for your time Hugh.

HW-S: Any time dear boy. Fancy a swig?

AB: Not my hour I'm afraid, but thank you anyway.

I fear for the Crazies, along with the Marshgate lane protests, the Crazies are not happy about the Olympic bid success. They feel that with all the gentrification that will manifest from the Olympic success, that the Crazies will be driven out into the suburbs and away from their spiritual home benches. Mind you their slogan "Your Crazy, don't vote for London 2012" may have backfired somewhat.

In conclusion, not all Crazies were forced into this situation. A lot have done it out of choice. They live a lifestyle that they wish to live, which is more than be said of most of us supposedly non crazies. So when your out and about and you see a crazy in distress, see if their alright. Have a chat. You never know you might learn something!

How many degrees in a semi circle?

2005-07-27T08:37:00.000-07:00

Well it had to happen sooner or later. Not being the sort of chap who likes to revel in his own glory, but if you have dallied here from Ian's blog chimply the best, I feel duty bound.

Today at roughtly 12.40 hours (GMT) during a moment of sheer concentration, skill and determination, I managed to throw my first 180 point score in lunchtime tournament darts. When the moment finally did arrive a large cheer rang out (mainly from me. Ian was begining to think I couldn't do it) and even the barman came over to see for himself.

Ok maybe this news isn't setting your world alight, but if this is the case there are therapy groups you could and should attend. It really is the most addictive lunchtime pursuit. Even rubbish players, like Ian agree!

I realise that my posts are becoming more darts related, so I will leave it at that. If anyone would like to discuss this MAGNIFICENT achievement, or even my 123 outshot on Monday, please feel free to post a comment and I will do my best to reply to as many of them as I can (ignore the hit counter down below, it must be on the blink).

May the darts be with you!

Food!

2005-07-26T04:32:00.000-07:00

I'm getting worried about Ian. As you can see from this recent photo he slipped to me in between the pages of the Newham Magazine, he is nothing but bone and bone.

I myself however, am of more stoic proportions. Luckily, being 6ft3in my height helps to fuel my denial that I haven't got a fraction podgy over the last couple of years.

Being one never to miss a trick, it has allowed me to dust off some old one liners which I can drop into polite conversation.

"I do watch what I eat. I take a good hard look at it and then stuff it right down."

And "What do you mean; I'm in perfect shape! Round is a shape!"

Lastly (I promise) "It's not a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for my sex machine"

Every Cloud!

Manifestly, in a drive to loose a bit of weight before Canada, I am adapting a few new, so far uncoventional practices. As you may have read in a previous blog, I no longer drink until I've gone blind on everyday with a Y in it. This was considered bad form and so have knocked that on the head. It has been relatively easy to enforce, as long as I stay away from the "Jolly Boys" (you know who you are).

However, I think the hardest part is denying myself food at work. At this time of year when the schools are off, work becomes so dull, that I have bought some eyedrops to perfect the art of sleeping with my eyes open. Eating is inherently entertaining and legisimises a quick break from trying to look busy.

I take a packed lunch to work, but we also have a sandwich lady who comes to the office at 10.30am (crucial time in the morning, breakfast is by now a distant memory). Then to add insult to injury, if you resist that temptation we have a sandwich man turn up half an hour later (bloody psychologists the lot of 'em). If you can resist him as well (he's a charming young man), then I go out for lunch and reward myself with a jumbo sausage roll. No No, Wrong Wrong Wrong! Bad Andy Bad!

For the people who know me who are wondering why this sudden and dramatic change in attitude, the reason is two fold. Firstly, as I am slowly advancing in years, I am starting to become more sensible. "God Forbid!" I hear you cry. Sadly, due to stupid things like going to work, I cannot devote full time to the champagne lifestyle, I so richly crave and frankly deserve.

Secondly, after a period of excess such as a holiday, I have developed a strange sensation that emanates from my brain. Psychologists have diagnosed me with Guilt, and it's ruining my life.

Guilt, has some worrying side affects. It possesses me to go to the gym and undertake that unique form of masochism: SPINNING (see the bottom half of The Fury post). A game of tennis and a circuit class a week tends to keep the guilt at bay.

Therefore, to all the people out there who are battling the bulge, stick with it. I have lost a little bit already and am trying to keep the momentum going. If a friend says "don't eat that sausage roll, have a piece of fruit instead" don't punch their lights out. They are only trying to help. With a little will power and a good sense of humour, we could all look like Ian someday. I know it's his dream!

TTFN.