Extrovert!

Working in a pre-recession public sector was an odd experience. It attracted two main types of character into its employ. Those who will not work in the private sector because of their lefty, lofty and sometimes loony ideals, and those who can’t, either through severe ineptitude or idleness.

I was a much a fan of the former, but undoubtedly tinged with the latter. Like many, I turned up a frustrated & slightly confused graduate. Very much a lover of the moment, At university, I could on occasion be brilliant! Nimble of thought, I enjoyed debating with lecturers. A thrilling cocktail of adrenalin, wit and genuine interest, perfectly balanced climbing against the austere facade of the academic establishment. However, I was highly inconsistent. The finer points of Athenian Law seemed to pale into insignificance compared to the finer points of the opposite sex who were making my tummy go all funny in a new post-pubescent way. Freedom, drinking, loving and winning were what it was all about. I realise Æthelred the Unready is a key figure in medieval history, but Andy was Unready and staring me back in the shaving mirror.

Volatile, fragile unable to bottle things up, manifested a desire to exorcise pain through beer, music and bad decisions.

Back to the pre Tory, free-wheeling days of public funded employ. We had to find a creative way to dissipate our annual budget in order to qualify for the same remuneration the following year. Perhaps it was simple curiosity or the thought of fun, but far more likely pure narcissism on the part of one particular manager that led us to be personality profiled as part of a team building day. The science may be sound enough, I’m not sure. However, I struggled to see how learning about our own personality would help us in any way work better together. I have known me for many years now and am fully aware of my faults and try to hide them to work colleagues. Friends are rarely spared. I may have mentioned that the horoscope in the local paper may be a more cost effective way of moving our team forward. Nevertheless these were the halcyon before the credit crunch, where bankers were just ‘other people’.

In the spirit of the day, I decided to give the personality test my best. I was told it was impossible to cheat, which strangely reassured me. After half an hour if multiple choice, seemingly pointless questions I was finished, and awaited with excited hypocrisy, the results.

“You cheated!”
“How?” I replied, “You said, you couldn’t cheat the test!”
“Well, your results have come back. You are an off the scale extrovert!”
“I know!” I said. This seemed to irk him considerably. This usually unflappable, kindly middle aged man looked stumped. He seemed affronted and wanted answers.

He started to ask me questions about my youth and my education to see how somebody could end up like this? Being extrovert isn’t about being loud and aggressive (although I certainly can be), it’s a state of mind. You live on the surface, but are not superficial. I am attached to the pail that draws deep on a well of emotion (ohhh poncy). It’s a contradiction really, Outwardly strong: inwardly flighty and indecisive. Unusually terribly disorganised, but great when my backs against the wall. Overall, I wouldn’t change me. I just gradually need to improve.

My examiner started to try to justify his science by making slightly ill meaning remarks. “You haven’t moved on from my university mentality… You refuse to mature… You still live at home, don’t you see?... You refuse to accept your life as it is…. You will not move on in your life until you do!” I was not impressed!

Utter bollocks of course. He knows nothing about my circumstances, the break-ups, the opportunities I have been lucky enough to have been afforded. This blog wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for going to Canada. The only thing preventing me from lashing at this sweet middle aged creature (who I quite liked incidentally) was the obvious discomfiture writhing all over his face. So I played it a bit passive aggressive: I seem naturally suited to it.

A subtle defence against being patronised was needed.
“It’s because I’m an extrovert. I can’t help it you see!” There may actually be some truth to this.
“You have come back all this way to tell me that I am scientifically incapable of being me?” I said with a raised eyebrow Roger Moore would have applauded.
“Erm no but…”
“May I ask how long have you been doing this?”
“7 years”
“28.”
“28 what?”
“28 years, I have been doing me. Fully functioning with modest success.” I smiled.
He laughed, as I did which eased the slowly rising tension..

Being an extrovert can be great. A natural show-off with a plucky attitude and (I like to think) a sense of humour. However, I decided it wasn’t me with the problem. It was the public sector/charity environment. So I decided to move to where my troubles can be viewed as a virtue. I am now a teacher. It’s a place where my extrovertism can be put to good use. Kids like it when I’m silly, colleagues didn’t.

Dear Middle aged friendly man,
I’m mature enough to realise this ALL BY MYSELF!
I hope you’re happy. I am.

Yours sincerely,

Andy.

New Years Resolutions 2011

All situations are unique, everybody is different. Nevertheless, apart from turning 30 in July, I have no idea what's going to happen in 2011. I will certainly not be in the same job and I doubt I will be living under the same roof. When, where and with who, are questions that both excite & daunt me depending on what mood I'm in. The worst case scenario is nothing happens. To help avoid this, I have come up with some resolutions that are more of a lifestyle guide. Some could happen, some will and some I won't get close. However, if I at least give it a go, I should have some good after dinner stories to tell.

• Be more like David Niven.
• Become a qualified lead climber.
• Get something published in Private Eye.
• Play guitar in public.
• Make it onto the Queens speech (long story).
• Blog more.
• Move out.
• Finish a leg of darts in under 14 throws.
• Don't put back on the weight I lost last year.
• Get a permanent job.
• Stop asking, start doing.
• Speak more French.
• Be bold. You regret the things you do less than the things you don't do.

Drink less, eat less and enjoy more. All that jazz. Happy New Year all!